Let’s Be Friends

Have you ever noticed how women will say, “I like him, but only as a FRIEND.”

Don’t you hate that?

I thought about that one for a long time, and a friend of mine and I have figured out how to turn this one around. Now I always make reference to ‘making friends’ and ‘let’s get together and make friends’ and ‘if nothing else, we can be friends’ in the first conversation and when setting up the first coffee date.

Then when on the date, I talk about why I like to make ‘friends’ first to get to know the other person. “I think that you’re going to make a nice friend.”

Then, after the friendship frame is established, I flirt like hell and make sexual innuendoes and jokes. This immediately sets up the idea that I’m very in control of myself and that I’m going to JUDGE whether l want to be more than friends based on something more than JUST HER LOOKS.

This is something that a woman has most likely NEVER encountered (as you know, this is a favorite of mine).

By the way, if you talk about being friends first, it makes you remember to look past the looks and find out what kind of person you’re dealing with (If I had a dollar for every guy I know, including myself, that screwed his life up by getting too involved with a woman because she was attractive on the outside, but turned out to be a horrible person...)

You can keep up this ‘let’s be friends’ fun forever. Even after you start dating, still talk about it. It’s easy to have fun with it. You’ll see.

More Nuggets of Gold

Always end conversations, meetings, and phone calls first.

I got this idea from the book “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider...You remember that book that was written about how to get a man to marry you? Well, it’s a great book. But I don’t think the authors would like the reasons why I think it’s great. I take all of ‘the rules’ and turn them around. When you play the games that women often play, you will not believe the responses you’ll get.

Now, I used to be against any kind of ‘game playing’. I still don’t like lies, cheating, general dishonesty, or manipulation. BUT, when you use these things in the right way, it becomes kind of a ‘game’ that women LOVE to play. It’s strange, but women love to tease and be teased. And if you don’t take this stuff too seriously, you can have some real fun.

But, I digress... The reason to end conversations, calls, and meetings first is that it does two things: First, it says, “I’m not a needy guy, and I have things to do. I’m

busy and if you want me, you’re going to have to work to get me.”

Second, it sets up a situation where YOU are in control of the situation. If you start doing this with EVERY call, EVERY meeting, and EVERY conversation, you will be

blown away by the responses you’ll get.

You’ll have women say, “What? But we’re having so much fun...!”, “Well, when can I see you again?”, or “Don’t you like me?”

By the way, don’t take the bait when they say these things! Say, “Of course I like you, and of course I’m having fun – but I’m busy and I have things to do. So call me tomorrow and maybe I can get together with you at the end of the week.”

I LOVE THIS!!! Love it! Love it! Love it!

And women love it too. As much as you might think it’s cruel and unusual punishment, women love nothing more than to go home wondering, “Does he love me? Does he like me? Will he call me? Did he have fun?”

I know, I know... sounds too bizarre to be true, but trust me. Tease and do these things, and you’ll find that they’ll work like a charm... plus have the added bonus of

being damn fun!

***I have to insert here that I’ve given this advice to many needy man who have rejected it whole heartedly. They continue to act needy and not let women go at the

end of the night, when talking on the phone, etc. By not making themselves scarce and unusual, they make themselves valueless. Don’t make the same mistake

yourself.

Another one that I use often is ‘Don’t say caring and affectionate things directly – but say them indirectly’. Women have a love for metaphors, demonstrations,

stories, gifts, etc.

For instance, saying, “You’re beautiful” 12 times a day isn’t attractive, but writing a poem that says it and leaving it somewhere as a surprise is very attractive.

Also, if I’m appreciating something about a woman, I point to a specific part or thing or detail. Women love it when you NOTICE things.

This reminds me of a very important point: Women LOVE it when you THINK about them. If you say, “I was thinking about you, so I wrote you” the woman will have something inside go ‘click’! I believe that women like gifts not because they have value, but because they say, “I was thinking about you, I have these feelings for you, and this gift is a symbol for them.”

Does this make sense to you?

I didn’t think so. It didn’t to me, either. But IT’S TRUE. So start telling women that you were thinking about them, that you were remembering times with them, and that something reminded you of them. If you do this, you don’t have to buy gifts anymore! They know you’re thinking about them! Nice.

Here’s something else that I’ve figured out that doesn’t make any sense at all: Women love ‘Mismatched Communication’. What I mean by this is that women like it when you’re doing one thing serious and one thing jokingly, or being verbally tough, but physically affectionate.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

If you’re talking to a woman and telling her that you think she’s beautiful, keep a very SERIOUS look on your face. This adds all kinds of drama to the situation and gives the woman something to imagine all kinds of deep meanings. (By the way, most men smile too much. Smile less when talking to women. It will keep them wondering what you’re thinking and it will help you.)

Or while kissing a woman, reach down and bite her on the neck, just a tiny bit too hard (no blood please).

One thing tender, one thing slightly violent.

Or maybe you’ve just finished holding her hand and kissing her. When she stands up, give her a spank on the ass and tell her it was because she’s such a good kisser.

The idea here is that what you’re feeling is causing you to do something IRRATIONAL. You’ve being swept away by the moment. Or you’re experiencing conflicting feelings. This leaves it to her to figure out what you’re ‘REALLY’ feeling, which women love to do.

It also makes you the most interesting, unpredictable guy she’s ever met.

You know, another thing that I’ve noticed is that women LOVE to talk about sex. Most men are not comfortable bringing up the subject with women they don’t know. But try telling a couple of dirty jokes, or talking about a sex program you saw on T.V. Most women will jump right in and start giving their take on the topic. It’s amazing. Try it.

The Underlying Motives

I think that it’s important to look at the differences between men and women from an objective perspective.

Remember that just about every thought and behaviour that a woman has, no matter how little sense it may make to you, has some positive intention behind it. Drama is often to get attention. Jealousy is often a way of protecting a relationship. Games are often used to make sure that a man is serious and willing to invest energy.

So as you work to become more successful with women, remember not to take things personally. Don’t get discouraged if you encounter games, drama, and things that you don’t understand. It’s all part of the game.

I believe that underneath it all, men are usually trying to find women who will give them sex, and women are usually trying to find men who will give them loyalty and commitment. This has evolved over many millions of years, and these goals contain an obvious conflict of interest.

So just realize this conflict exists, and as you learn, remember to take it into consideration. And, of course, don’t take any of it personally. Men have been dealing with all of these same issues for a long, long time.

Be Different In An Attractive Way

By studying marketing and sales, I’ve learned that humans are attracted to things that are unique. They are also attracted to things that are superior. So I have a phrase that I use: “Different in a preferential way.” In the mating game, it pays to be different in an ATTRACTIVE way.

What I’m about to share with you is a group of ingredients. These are the different ingredients to which women are attracted. It’s up to you to take what you have and to use this list to augment your personality in such a way that it becomes attractive to the type of women with whom you’re interested. The key is to be different in an attractive way.

But make sure that you’re not too different! If you get too carried away with this idea, you’ll be outside of the realm of ‘normal’ and you will wind up hurting yourself. So experiment and test to see what works for you.

Where Our Desires Come From

After spending the last ten years or so studying psychology and behaviour, I’ve come to the opinion that MOST of our desires, drives, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, behaviours, and personality traits are determined by our DNA and some by our social

conditioning. I’m talking about both men and women here.

Even differences like whether a person prefers adventure or couch riding are largely a matter of programming from birth (If you really disagree with me on this one, read some books on the Myers-Briggs or try the book “Type Who Am I?” by Steven Reiss.)

In any event, HOWEVER they got to be interested in these common things, most women have a few main interests, needs, desires, or whatever you want to call them when it comes to men, relationships, and romance.

Have you ever read the personals? Have you ever noticed how many women say things like “princess looking for prince”, “friends first”, and “looking for my soul mate”?

Have you ever noticed how almost NO men ever say these things?

What’s going on?

Have you ever listened to a group of women talking about men?

Ever notice how they speak largely in some kind of code language and constantly make a big deal out of tiny details that seem totally irrelevant?

Have you ever noticed, on the other hand, how men are direct with each other and have no interest in bickering over small things?

What’s going on?

Have you ever noticed how many women are attracted to drama?

Here’s my take on this whole subject: Women are playing out a role that hasn’t changed for thousands (or millions?) of years. These days the language and clothing are different. But it’s the same that it’s always been.

There are many parts of human brains that create drives and desires for different things. Often, these drives conflict with each other.

For instance, a woman might want a strong man in her life, but she might also want a feeling of independence. She might want to have attention, but she might also want to be seen as above needing it. (Men have these types of conflicts as well, but in different areas.)

So, for example, I hear a lot of men saying things like, “I hate all the drama that women create. Why do they create this stuff?”

My answer: Drama accomplishes a lot of things at once. It gets attention, it sends emotions through the body (emotions are highly addictive chemicals), it’s a way

to be self-righteous, it’s often fun, it’s interesting and prevents boredom, it gives things meaning... and on and on. There are a lot of good reasons for drama. But most men can’t understand because drama fulfils needs that MOST MEN DON’T HAVE.

It’s like women saying, “I hate it when all a guy can talk about is sports.” What needs to sports fulfil for men? Competition, adrenaline, power, domination... all the typical guy stuff. Incidentally, stuff that fulfils needs that most women just plain don’t have.

Thinking In Time Frames

Here’s a common problem: A man tries to impress a woman by doing things that show that he’s a good LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP kind of guy, but the woman responds by being stand-offish.

I have read some interesting research that shows that women have a few main categories in their minds in which they slot men.

These are:

Here’s the interesting part: If a woman sees a man as a good potential ‘long-term’ mate, she’ll usually hold back the sex.

On the other hand, if she gets sexually involved with a man, she’ll usually still be open to a long-term relationship.

Most men who want sex make the mistake of doing things like taking women to dinner, buying them gifts, and being romantic. This behaviour triggers the “Hey, this

guy is good long-term material” category in the woman’s mind, and they hold back sex.

But if a man does things to turn a woman on earlier in the game and she gets sexually involved, he can choose where he wants the relationship to go. Are you with me

on this one?

Go ask some men and women about this idea. They’ll report back to you what I’m telling you. Women know that if a man is doing all the big romantic things like

buying her gifts and taking her out, he is displaying ‘courtship’ types of behaviour. I mentioned earlier that women take hints very well and read into things much more than men. Unfortunately, men have no idea that their good deeds are being interpreted as long-term courtship demonstrations. Ahhhh!

So what’s the solution?

The solution is to stop doing the ‘I’m courting you’ things early on, and start by being attractive, interesting, and sexy. This puts the balance of power in your hands and puts you more in control.

I’m going to say it again: A woman will get into a long-term relationship with a man who she’s sleeping with, but she won’t be as likely to sleep with a man who’s

courting her. Get it?

How To Take The Next Step

OK, so we’re on the way home from coffee (because I said, “OK, let’s go…”) and we’re back at my house. Here’s one that I love… If it’s at night, look at your watch and

say, “Well, I have to get up early in the morning… but… OK, you can come in for a few minutes…”

This is perfect! You’re talking to her like she’s trying to convince you to let her in, and she hasn’t said anything! Nice. (Read it again if you didn’t pick up what I

said.)

Then I just walk in and let her follow. (By the way, again, I always open doors for women, walk on the outside of the curb, and pull chairs out, etc.) If you act chivalrous and bust her balls at the same time, you’ll be rewarded with good things from Santa.

So now we’re in the house… and I take her for a tour… and either sit down on my bed to talk to her or on the couch… wherever we kind of wind up. And I just kind of get a little quieter and let her talk while I look at her. I lean away from her and keep looking… sometimes looking away as if I’m thinking about something.

Then, I reach over and start stroking her hair while she’s talking. I stroke down at the bottom first. If she’s OK with this, I take it as a sign that she’s WAAYYYYY into me and is probably going to be wanting sex within 60 minutes (if you have any doubts, ask a woman if she’ll let a guy stroke her hair while she’s on his bed on the first

date if she’s not into him).

This is a big piece of the puzzle that I’ve figured out… I used to do all kinds of massages and other stuff, but I now use the simple hair stroke test. If they like their hair stroked, they are at VERY LEAST going to be making out with me in short order, period. I’ll occasionally do a hand massage here or a little neck massage, but next I pull her close to me and cuddle with her… and then land the killer.

I have personally always liked the way women smell… so when she’s laying next to me with my stroking her hair, I begin to smell her shoulders… just a little at first, and then more and more… while stroking her hair. Within about 5 or 10 minutes, I’m smelling her neck and ears…no kissing, and no groping at all. Never! I’m just smelling,

then leaning back and acting like I’m completely enjoying the smelling, and it’s relaxing me. Try this, my friends… if you can keep on smelling… she’ll get so turned on that you won’t believe it! At some point she’ll try to kiss me… which is what I’m waiting for. I will let her lips get close to mine… even touch just a teensy bit… and then I’ll back away and keep smelling. I might say, “Oh, you’re kind of forward” … love it. After a few of these, I’ll kiss her… and run my hands through her hair… the whole romantic kiss thing… then, again, I’ll stop. This kind of teasing and teasing is very stimulating to women. They love it.

I’m waiting for her to start doing something that is sexual... for instance grinding her hips on me... or grabbing my ass... whatever.

When I’m patient, the woman will usually do something that is subtly sexual FIRST. This is key, as she’s then the aggressor....

Then I do a little verbal move and say, “All you have to do is say PLEASE.”

I’m laughing as I write this... damn this is great.

So the first time, she’ll say, “No no no... I’m not going to beg you...” and I just say, “OK”...

Then I roll over or just lay back and look up... away from her. This usually makes the woman begin to wonder what the heck is going on and come over and start cuddling, kissing, etc. me again.

I keep on with the sensual kissing, breathing in her ears... all that good stuff... and when she gets worked up again and I hear her breathing getting faster, heart rate increasing, etc., I just say, “All you have to do is say PLEASE...”

OK, you get the idea... I keep doing this until she says, “OK OK, please... please...”

If you need help on what to do after this step, buy a copy of” How To Drive Your Woman Wild In Bed” by Graham Masterson and “Sexational Secrets” by Susan Bakos. Do it.

My Story

I made the decision a few years ago that I needed to get the area of my life ‘handled’ called ‘dealing with women’. So I made a decision and a commitment to myself and my best friend that I would do whatever it took to learn and ‘figure this out’. (Read Chapter 1 from “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill for more on this

mindset.)

Some background: The girlfriends that I had in the past were mostly from luck now that I reflect on it. They were there, and I felt lucky to have them as my girlfriend at the time.

But I never knew how to approach women I didn’t know, and I could sit in a bar for three hours making eye contact with a woman and never have the nerve to go talk to her. Right now I’m just turning 30, and I’m about 5’10” and 160 pounds. I think I’m reasonably good looking, but I’ve never been the kind of guy that women just walk up and approach. (I say this to give you a frame of reference in relationship to the comments I make relating to looks, etc.) I’ve made myself more attractive by paying attention, learning, and using what works.

When I made the decision to get this part of my life handled, I decided that instead of trying to start with an angle (working at a strip club, becoming famous for something, etc.) that I would like to learn in a way that gave me power to act with just my personality and presentation.  In other words, I wanted to make this part of who I was rather than a ‘trick’.

I have a rule of thumb in life that I use… it takes about 2-4 years just to get ‘good’ at something. And I mean JUST TO GET GOOD. Think martial arts, playing an Mastery by instrument…anything. (Read Chapter 1 of Leonard for more wisdom on this topic.)

Sure, you can have some success and fun while learning, but experience has shown me that to really ‘get’ something and to be able to use it in many contexts successfully, you need to apply yourself for 2-4 years.

THEN, I think it takes another 2-4 years to become a ‘master’ of whatever you’re doing.

At the 10+ year level is usually where the Genius level really kicks in…

My point here is to say that I’ve been applying myself for a few years now, and I am now at the point where I feel confident and in control around women. I encourage you to make this a long-term commitment rather than just trying to get an instant cure. It will be worth it in the long run.

If you’re just plain lazy and want a shortcut, go ahead and try all of them. But you’ll most likely find, like most others do, that massive success with this material takes

practice, effort, and a commitment.

On Being A Man

There is a lot controversy around the differences between men and women. My perspective is that men and women are different in many ways and that they usually respond differently to various types of communication.

And as politically incorrect as this might sound, I believe that most women respond very strongly to ‘masculine’ men. The more confident, arrogant, and dominant I’ve acted, the more women have responded to me emotionally and sexually. (I’m not talking about hitting a woman over the head and dragging her to your cave, Bubba.)

And now that I’ve thought about it a lot and interviewed dozens of women about this topic, I’ve realized that weak men are generally not attractive to women. Women may demand things, whine, and act like a pain, but it’s usually all a test of one sort or another.

If you’re weak, shy, or submissive, get over it. Start walking a little taller, acting a little more self-centered, and taking what you want.

Now, I have to be careful here. I want to make sure you don’t start acting like an ‘asshole’ to women. The masculine man says, “No” to a woman calmly. The Asshole says, “No” to a woman in an angry tone. Get it?

The Six Things That Attract Women

I’ve done a lot of research on this topic, and I believe that women are most attracted to these six things:

Now, numbers one through five are largely out of your immediate control. If you’re not rich, you’re probably not going to get rich this week. If you’re not famous or tall, you’re probably not going to be in a hit movie or grow 6 inches in the next 24 hours.

So that leaves us with number six: PERSONALITY.

The good news is that as far as I’m concerned, your personality is your GREATEST ASSET in the success-with-women game.

Fortunately, it’s the one thing you can change. And it’s the one thing that can OVERCOME all the rest. After you’ve done what you can to look your best, etc. you have to develop a personality that’s absolutely magnetic. Now let’s talk about how you can do just that.

By the way, the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something that they can initially ‘look’ for. It’s the way they FEEL when they are with you or thinking of you. If you don’t have wealth, power, fame, or looks, you’re going to have to use your personality to make them FEEL good. In the end, your personality is the most powerful asset you have.

Two Ways Women Think About Men And How You Can Control

This I believe that women see men with whom they get involved as either ‘long-term relationship’ material or ‘sex’ material. You have to make the choice about which category you’d like to be in. By the way, if you get involved sexually, you can usually extend that for as long as you’d like.

If, on the other hand, you don’t get involved sexually but you still buy her dinner, call her all the time, and pursue her, there’s a good chance that you’ll NEVER get involved with her sexually.

Many, if not most guys, think that if they play the dating game that they’ll wind up ‘getting some’ eventually. This just isn’t so. I’ve met so many women who say, “Well, I have this guy that I let buy me things and take me out, and I have this other one that’s my sex toy.”

Now, admittedly this isn’t all women. But believe me when I tell you that if you get on the ‘friendship’ program, you’re very likely to stay there. And the friendship road is

paved with gifts and dinners.

Trust me. If you do too many things for her, you’re going to spend a lot of time and $$$ and most likely never wind up with anything to show for it other than a curious dry feeling just below your abdomen.

For the record, I really do like e-mail communication better than phone communication. I get probably 4 out of 5 women that I e-mail to write back, as opposed to maybe 1 out of 2 or 3 calls returned the first time.

I write and say, “Hey, it was nice meeting you last night… what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me.”

If they don’t answer that one, I write back a couple of days later with, “What, playing hard to get already? Nice. Talk to me.”

I get most of them e-mailing me back by this point.

When they do, I say, “What’s your # and when’s a good time to reach you?”

Now, here’s why I do this… Duh! When I e-mail them, for some reason they feel like we’re friends because we’ve e-mailed back and forth… don’t ask me to explain it… it’s taken me two and a half years to figure it out.

They also return your calls after you’ve e-mailed them a couple of times… again, don’t ask me why, some freaky chick thing.

OK… so now I’m on the phone with them (either because I’ve e-mailed them, or because I just got a number and called). I want to get together with them for about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person and decide if they’re someone who I’d like to know better.

I’ll tell them that I was about to go do something (to remind myself and let them know that I have a life) and then say, “Well, let’s see… what’s your schedule for the next few days? (I choose a time based on her reply…) Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great… if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat… but you know, coffee is a safe bet… this way, if you’re scary in person, I can say, “Oh, hey… um… I just remembered that I have to go floss my cat… it’s really important…” and then we can call it a night.”

This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking, “Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying me?” which is perfect.

Next, I tell them, “The coffee place is close to my house so why don’t you just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we can go… this way if you’re a few minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting.” (I got this idea from a friend of mine.)

Then I say, “Now, let me ask you this… what are the chances that you’re not going to show up tomorrow? <Let her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m always on time where I say I’m going to be, and I never have an excuse or don’t show up… so I just wanted to make sure… because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the right tone for flaking, as you can see.

***HERE COMES THE KILLER!

Next, when we’re getting ready to hang up, I say something like, “Great, it’s going to be nice to get to know you better. And if nothing else, we can just be FRIENDS.”

It’s taken me and a good friend of mine a long time to get this piece. From here on out, I constantly drop hints about just ‘being friends’ and how I really ‘like her as a friend’ and how ‘it’s nice to meet someone that I like as a friend’.

Trust me on this one… this messes them up soooooo hard that they literally don’t know what to do.

This is most likely the first time IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE that this has happened to them. It continually triggers their insecurity and makes them wonder why

they’re not attractive enough to you. It also disarms them completely. (You have to really possess the mindset that you are qualifying them and that they’re going to be your friend for this to work)

I personally like to use the friendship jargon because I have decided that it’s better to enter any new relationship in a ‘NOT NEEDY’ frame of mind. Talking about being friends reminds ME to pay more attention and to remember that I don’t need anything and to stay focused on learning.

10 Steps To A Guaranteed Great Date

Remember that YOU are qualifying HER to see if she is someone you want to spend more time with… and not the other way around. Too many dinners and gifts early on will lead you into ‘the friendship zone’. Impress her with YOURSELF instead. E-mail her first to build to build familiarity. Call her on the phone to set up the date after she e-mails you back. On the phone, joke that SHE might turn out to be weird. This subtlety lets her know that YOU are normal and fun. Have her meet you at your place so you don’t end up waiting around… and so she will be coming back to your place afterwards.  Use ‘The Flake Test’ – Ask her what the chances are that she won’t show to set the tone up front. Be the first to say “friends” – let her know that you are looking forward to making a friend if nothing else… this lets her know you have no expectations and aren’t needy or desperate. Mention this during the date! Show her that you aren’t overly interested by heading to the coffee shop quickly instead of lingering around at your place. At the coffee shop, RELAX and treat her like your best friend. Lean back, talk about INTERESTING topics like drama, violence, scandal, or comedy, and make cocky/funny jokes.  You can save the compliments for another time. If you want to spend more time with her, go someplace where the conversation is built-in, like a place with fun shops and things to do. Wander away from her a few times to communicate that you aren’t ‘needy’ or clingy.

How To Be Funny, The One Page Course

Here’s a little mini-course on how to be funny:

First, go read Comedy Writing Secrets by Melvin Helitzer. And while you’re at it, watch some good stand up comedy routines like Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, and Robin Williams. Listen to how they use word play, double meanings, exaggeration, and misinterpretation to create humour.

It’s time to get yourself a set of standard things that you can say in some of the most common situations.

Here’s a list that I use personally and examples of instances when you can use them:

OK, there’s a list of basic things that I’ve learned regarding humour. I’d recommend that you start studying humour, read books about it, go to comedy clubs, and learn more advanced skills.

Also, start reading Maxim and Stuff magazines. Read how they always use reversal humour. This is some good funny stuff.

Humour

Here’s how I mentally approach meeting a new woman: I’m cocky and funny, I steal their lines, I tease them, and I don’t ever give them a break.

In my opinion, your most valuable asset, no matter your looks, height, age, or income – is humour.

I don’t care if you’re four feet tall and have one eye. If you can make women laugh consistently and get those good feelings flowing through them, they’ll love you.

I decided last year to start actually STUDYING comedy, as I’ve found that people (women) respond to it better than any other thing in the whole entire universe.

So I did a bunch of research on the Internet to find the best books, and I bought about 5 or 6 of them.

One book that I read called “Comedy Writing Secrets” by Melvin Helitzer made a great point. He said that the majority of humour revolves around the CHARACTER and not the jokes.

Most of the guys that I meet who want to learn to meet women are working on the ‘jokes’ in their life and not the ‘character’. I did it for about two years myself. I tried to learn all kinds of lines and B.S.

It finally dawned on me that women were not really that concerned with all of that… they wanted a particular CHARACTER. The lines didn’t matter as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange, magical, and weird.

So what’s the character that they want? Good question.

I have a good friend who’s the best I’ve ever seen at picking up women in bars and having sex with them that night. Now, I do better getting numbers and following up.

But this guy is just a machine. And his whole mindset towards meeting women is to be “cocky and funny” (his words). My opinion is that women are turned off by arrogant men… UNLESS… they’re DAMN FUNNY. This magic combination will attract women like Bill Clinton attracts chubby interns. I’m following in my buddy’s footsteps.

I’ll try to summarize the character that I’ve developed:

“I know that this girl is secretly trying to pick me up… I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.”

I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look

them right in the eye.

Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.

I say things that make them actually think that I’m serious, but leave a shadow of a doubt.

Here’s what I’m looking for: If they respond in an insecure way and say, “Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know that I was touching you”, I’ll keep it going… and say, “Well, you did. And if you’re going to keep doing it, I’d appreciate it if you’d touch a little higher.” They crack up.

If they shoot something funny back like, “Well, touchy touchy” and they know that I’m kidding, I just stay in character and say, “Yes, I don’t like being touched. So keep a foot or so between us please” and keep it going.

And yes, sometimes (not often) I’ll meet a cold one and she’ll get uptight – I just walk away.

If you’re going to do this, you have to remember to keep it going for the entire time… don’t turn into a dumb ass at the first sign of her liking you. Keep up the character, play hard to get, etc. forever!

How To Tease (How To Speak Woman)

When I first met one particular girl, I took her hand when she got into the car and held it for a few seconds... then took it away saying, “No hand holding this early”, as if it were her idea... then at lunch, I put out my hand for her to take it and then when she went to take it, I moved it before she touched me... then did it again... and again

saying, “No, really...”

Finally, after the meal was finished, I reached out for her hand, and she wouldn’t take mine because I had teased her so much. So I actually grabbed her hand and held it and massaged it. This was teasing and teasing...and when she finally gave up, I gave it to her.

Then, when I gave her a hug later on, she kissed me on the cheek or neck a couple of times, and I accused her of kissing me a lot, etc. (The idea is that she’s into me and she’s the aggressor.) One part of this is me doing something (holding her hand) and then accusing her of doing it (“no hand holding this early”).

This kind of behaviour, sending mixed messages, and flirting doesn’t really make sense to most men, but to women it’s magic.

Also, some women really get intrigued if you ‘figure them out’ early on in the game and have their number... and then just ‘laugh at how cute they are’ when they do things. This gets them all freaked out, as they feel like you’re in control, and they don’t know what to do next... like you know all the games they’re playing and won’t fall for any of their old tricks... this makes them nervous as they don’t have any POWER OR AMMO!

They love this, as men are hardly ever in control. And they secretly want someone who is. (It’s VERY important not to become the ‘friend/therapist’ with this information... and start kissing their ass! The idea is to use it to bust on them and not to be understanding.)

I also tell women early on that I think they’ll make a nice ‘friend’.

It’s funny to see how the friendship frame works with them, because this gets them thinking often for the first time, “Wow, maybe I just found a man who is smarter than me, knows my little games, and has higher standards than ME for once... and now he’s talking about being ‘just friends’! Oh no! Doesn’t he like me? Doesn’t he want me like all the other guys?” A key here is to always keep them guessing... never get too into them or they’ll get right into their old games, etc.

Another interesting observation that I’ve made is that women only understand CODE, not direct language.

Little boys tease little girls when they’re 8, and women still love it when they’re 28 and 48. I like to find something about them that they’re just a little insecure about and make fun of it in a way makes them wonder whether or not I’m serious.

The way I see it, women are like the Enigma machines that German U-boats used in World War II.

These machines were able to transmit messages to each other, but also able to change the codes they used each time. Women are much more interested in giving and getting subtle hints.

Telling a woman, “I really like you”, won’t be as effective as saying, “You really like me” in a teasing way. Do you understand?

I speak in metaphor and story, talk about feelings and longings, speak code, and try to never speak directly.

Let me give you a few more examples:

If you want to have sex with a woman, you could say, “Hey, why don’t we have sex?” Go ahead and try that one sometime and let me know how it works for you.

Or, you could try this... Next time you’re alone with a new woman, stand up, take her hand, and pull her up to her feet. Then give her a hug, let go, and sit back down. After she sits again, say, “I just wanted to hug you.” Later hug her again and cuddle with her. While cuddling, smell her neck and tell her how good she smells... and don’t stop. Within a few minutes she’ll be telling you how hot she’s getting.

Two different paths to the same outcome… It’s just that one happens to work about a hundred times better than the other.

Men like to go out hoping to ‘get laid’. Women like the idea of being swept away by the moment… especially when it’s a taboo thing and they shouldn’t be doing it, etc. The more unplanned things seem, the better. For instance, if she happens to wind up in your bedroom and you happen to be massaging her, smelling her, etc. it’s seen as ‘meant to be’ or something that happened in an unplanned romantic way, and therefore a good thing to get swept away by.

If you want to increase your chances of success with women, create scenarios that lead to these situations. Ask yourself, “What situation would facilitate the outcome

that I’m looking for naturally?” Remember that women like to be swept away by the moment; they don’t like to think that they’re being used.

Another fun thing I do to demonstrate to women that I’m savvy and know the language is to interpret gestures and expressions and then comment back as if they had

said something.

So for instance, if a woman looks at someone walking by, then wrinkles up her nose and gets that ‘Gross’ look on her face, I might respond with, “That’s what I was

thinking.”

Get it? I’m pretending like she actually said, “Gross” to me.

Or if a woman takes my hand, I might say, “Oh, really?”

I’m pretending like she said, “I’m attracted to you.”

Women are very expressive with their body language and facial expressions, but they often express themselves in very subtle ways.

If you can tune into these little cues and then respond with fun remarks that show you’re clued in, you’ll be rewarded. (Notice: Do not start ACTING like a woman now that you know this tip. This technique is to be used sparingly and only to let a woman ‘know that you know’ and not as your main approach when interacting with women. Many men make the mistake of learning how women act and then IMITATING them all the time. This is not what you want to do, trust me.)

Your 7-Step Guide To Getting Physical

When you get back to the house, say, “Well, I have to get up early in the morning...but...OK, you can come in for a few minutes...” Take her on a quick tour and then sit down on a bed or on the couch. Use ‘The Kiss Test’ – Start stroking the bottom of her hair while you are talking. If she enjoys it, she’s into you! Lean in and lightly smell her shoulders… then pull back… then do it again. Slowly work your way up to smelling her neck and ears. Keep building up tension… and finally give her a kiss… then pull back. Accuse HER of being “forward”. Wait for her to make the first sexually aggressive move… then say, “All you have to do is say please”. If she says, “No no no...”, just roll over and look up away from her, which will make her curious. Pull back again and wait for her to come to you. Turn up the heat with the sensual kissing, breathing in her ears, etc. until she gets more excited (i.e. breathing getting faster, heart race starts increasing, etc.)… then make her say “please” again!

Places To Go

I’ve learned that it’s more interesting to GO somewhere and DO something with a woman than it is to go on a ‘date’.

If you want to do more than just have coffee with a

woman, consider going somewhere fun to shop. I prefer funky, eclectic neighborhoods and shops. These are places full of wacky and fun items. It will give you an ongoing, changing set of things to talk about.

And the best part is that you don’t have to buy anything.

When you go to these types of places, you can just have fun and talk. Make sure you wander away from her a few times while you’re out. This keeps the ‘I’m not

needy’ thing going on.

Remember, you don’t have to spend money to have fun.

The Very Attractive Women Are Approached All The Time

I’m going to remind you of something that I talked about earlier in this book: Most attractive women are approached in one way or another all the time by men.

I was watching one of Chris Rock’s stand up routines recently; Chris was telling the women in the audience that anytime a man is being nice, it’s because he’s offering sex (or ‘dick’ as he put it).

So if a guy says, “Wow, you look great!”, what he really means is, “Wow, you really look great, would you like some dick?”

And remember that ‘desirable’ women including rich women, beautiful women, and famous women, are used to being treated like queens. (It’s really no fault of theirs; even very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It’s part of being human. We can all become spoiled easily if the right combination of circumstances arises. By the way, it’s good to keep a “You’re spoiled, and I don’t really blame you for it... you were just lucky to be born beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass” attitude...)

Being spoiled, these women act bratty to get their way. However, the ass kissing and always getting their way also has another effect. Since they are so used to being courted and having a man kiss their ass, when you show up, act funny and charming, and don’t play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend ass-

kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don’t answer ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social life, where you go, etc. and even label all of

those questions as, “Did you get a list of these questions like all the other shallow women around here?” etc.) it often has the effect of them thinking, “Wow, this is sure

DIFFERENT”, which gets their attention. The humour and arrogance (arrogance based on self-knowing, not on outer success) keeps their attention.

I think that it’s all about interrupting the current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING behaviour. You can use tricks, props, or whatever, but you have to interrupt the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants.

Many experts talk of establishing rapport, acting like them, etc. initially... I’ve found that breaking rapport usually works better for me. (Rapport is the concept of breathing, moving, and talking like another person so they feel a connection with you.)

But it’s a special kind of breaking rapport that I practice. I break rapport in a funny and charming way, which actually ASSUMES rapport from the beginning. (I insult women that I don’t know in a playful way all the time. Her only real choices with which to respond internally and externally are, “This guy is a jerk - I’m outta here” or “You’ve got some balls - but you’re damn funny - and for some reason, I feel like I know you...”)

When you point out a woman’s quirks or insecurities in a way that makes her laugh, you do so many positive things at once. She can’t deny that the things you’re saying are true, BECAUSE SHE’S LAUGHING. And she can’t really hate you too much, because it’s kind of fun.

Your Enemies Are Insecurity and Neediness

Insecurity and neediness are two of the biggest obstacles to success with women. Insecurity and neediness are like hemlock and arsenic – either will kill your attractiveness when dealing with women.

A man is needy when he craves attention or recognition. He shows that he’s insecure when he ACTS on these needs.

Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in a given situation. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence which is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval.

Women detect insecurity and neediness INSTANTLY.

Here are some examples of insecurity and neediness to avoid:

Hanging on a woman. Don’t touch a woman or crowd her too much in the beginning. Women take it as a sign of neediness and insecurity. Instead, lean back and let her become comfortable being around you. Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk too much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure. Having emotional responses to things. If it’s obvious to a woman that you easily get upset about things, then she will judge you to be insecure. Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what’s going to happen and then do it. If you are always asking, “Well, what do you think I should do?”, “Where do you want to go tonight?”, and “What do you want?”, you’ll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she’ll let you know. Saying or doing things just to be noticed or to get compliments. I’ve known a lot of men who try to act cool or show off to get attention. This approach telegraphs to a woman that you’re insecure and needy. Don’t do it. If you’re cool, she’ll figure it out without you telling her. Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you’re one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you’re insecure and needy. You may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it. If you really want to argue with something, do it in a funny way and not in a serious way.

It’s A Game To Them

Women often view men picking up on them as a sort of game. They talk about it with each other, they have standard lines that they learn when you ask for their number such as, “Why don’t you give me YOUR number instead and I can call you...?” and so on.

I know that some, maybe even most women go out on weekends with the mindset of “I’m never going to meet Mr. Right at a club, but it boosts my ego to have men paying attention to me by the dozens, and I like to have free drinks... and I love to dance with my girlfriends and be a tease... and I love the power of shooting men down while pretending to be annoyed by it... etc.”