This I believe that women see men with whom they get involved as either ‘long-term relationship’ material or ‘sex’ material. You have to make the choice about which category you’d like to be in. By the way, if you get involved sexually, you can usually extend that for as long as you’d like.
If, on the other hand, you don’t get involved sexually but you still buy her dinner, call her all the time, and pursue her, there’s a good chance that you’ll NEVER get involved with her sexually.
Many, if not most guys, think that if they play the dating game that they’ll wind up ‘getting some’ eventually. This just isn’t so. I’ve met so many women who say, “Well, I have this guy that I let buy me things and take me out, and I have this other one that’s my sex toy.”
Now, admittedly this isn’t all women. But believe me when I tell you that if you get on the ‘friendship’ program, you’re very likely to stay there. And the friendship road is
paved with gifts and dinners.
Trust me. If you do too many things for her, you’re going to spend a lot of time and $$$ and most likely never wind up with anything to show for it other than a curious dry feeling just below your abdomen.
For the record, I really do like e-mail communication better than phone communication. I get probably 4 out of 5 women that I e-mail to write back, as opposed to maybe 1 out of 2 or 3 calls returned the first time.
I write and say, “Hey, it was nice meeting you last night… what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me.”
If they don’t answer that one, I write back a couple of days later with, “What, playing hard to get already? Nice. Talk to me.”
I get most of them e-mailing me back by this point.
When they do, I say, “What’s your # and when’s a good time to reach you?”
Now, here’s why I do this… Duh! When I e-mail them, for some reason they feel like we’re friends because we’ve e-mailed back and forth… don’t ask me to explain it… it’s taken me two and a half years to figure it out.
They also return your calls after you’ve e-mailed them a couple of times… again, don’t ask me why, some freaky chick thing.
OK… so now I’m on the phone with them (either because I’ve e-mailed them, or because I just got a number and called). I want to get together with them for about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person and decide if they’re someone who I’d like to know better.
I’ll tell them that I was about to go do something (to remind myself and let them know that I have a life) and then say, “Well, let’s see… what’s your schedule for the next few days? (I choose a time based on her reply…) Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great… if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat… but you know, coffee is a safe bet… this way, if you’re scary in person, I can say, “Oh, hey… um… I just remembered that I have to go floss my cat… it’s really important…” and then we can call it a night.”
This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking, “Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying me?” which is perfect.
Next, I tell them, “The coffee place is close to my house so why don’t you just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we can go… this way if you’re a few minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting.” (I got this idea from a friend of mine.)
Then I say, “Now, let me ask you this… what are the chances that you’re not going to show up tomorrow? <Let her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m always on time where I say I’m going to be, and I never have an excuse or don’t show up… so I just wanted to make sure… because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the right tone for flaking, as you can see.
***HERE COMES THE KILLER!
Next, when we’re getting ready to hang up, I say something like, “Great, it’s going to be nice to get to know you better. And if nothing else, we can just be FRIENDS.”
It’s taken me and a good friend of mine a long time to get this piece. From here on out, I constantly drop hints about just ‘being friends’ and how I really ‘like her as a friend’ and how ‘it’s nice to meet someone that I like as a friend’.
Trust me on this one… this messes them up soooooo hard that they literally don’t know what to do.
This is most likely the first time IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE that this has happened to them. It continually triggers their insecurity and makes them wonder why
they’re not attractive enough to you. It also disarms them completely. (You have to really possess the mindset that you are qualifying them and that they’re going to be your friend for this to work)
I personally like to use the friendship jargon because I have decided that it’s better to enter any new relationship in a ‘NOT NEEDY’ frame of mind. Talking about being friends reminds ME to pay more attention and to remember that I don’t need anything and to stay focused on learning.