How To Get The First Meeting

First of all, I’m going to explain my mindset: I have decided that I need about 20-30 minutes to get to know a woman before I decide to invest in getting to ‘really’ know her.

I actually like women for their company, and who I’d enjoy seeing for more than just one ‘get laid’ session.

So I like to meet a woman for a cup of tea and talk for a bit, or even let that lead to a bite to eat sometimes. So my mindset is that I’M THERE TO QUALIFY THEM. Not the other way around. They pick up on this mentality and

respond accordingly.

Be Prepared! Expect

It’s funny to me that so many people expect to fail. For instance, I once heard someone say, “A woman won’t get into an unmade bed.” This is actually pretty interesting if you think about it. My point here is to encourage you to not only expect success in your mind, but also expect success in the real world.

Here are a couple of ways to expect and plan for success:

See where I’m going with this?

If you’re not prepared to have a guest, then you’re going to do all kinds of things to screw up your chances of success with women.

Right now, think of all the things you need to do so that there are NO obstacles preventing you from success in your car, house, etc.

Now let’s talk about a few ways to REALLY separate yourself from most other men.

Learn A Few Cold Reading Methods

Women love things like Astrology, Tarot Cards, Palmistry, Handwriting Analysis, Psychics, and anything else you can think of that most men aren’t interested in.

Here’s what to do:

Go get the books “Handwriting Analysis” by Karen Amend, “Palm Reading: A Little Guide To Life’s Secrets” by Dennis Fairchild. and “An Introduction to Hand Reflexology” by Denise Brown. You can order all of them at Amazon.com.

Then sit down for an evening and read them. Learn some basics about how to tell people what they’re like from studying handwriting samples, looking at their palms, feeling tension in their bodies, etc.

This stuff is ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING to women.

All you have to do is take a woman’s hand, look at it, and say, “Well, you’re a very interesting person.”

That’s it... it’s almost like magic.

After revealing to her all of her secret desires, you can move directly into your hand massage and Reflexology methods. I’m hoping that the benefits of these techniques speak for themselves.

By the way, it doesn’t hurt to know a few advanced or unusual massage moves either. So you might want to check out a couple of books on massage while you’re at it.

Snappy Responses To Common Situations

Ever been sitting with a group of attractive women and your buddies when out of nowhere one of the women says, “You guys are lucky to be at the same table with

us.”

Well I have. So I came up with a few zingers to throw out should this happen again:

Also, quit EXPECTING to “pick up girls” and instead go make friends and give the women the opportunity to get to know you. A couple more ideas for different situations:

(The napkin almost always comes back, and the game is on... It’s fun, mysterious, and the girl always wants to know who’s playing with her. I’ve used this before, and it’s great fun. At some point, depending on whether you’re winning or losing, you can come over to her table and say something like, “Well, I had to meet my worthy opponent” or “I hope you talk better than you play”, etc.)

One of the most amazing things you can do when a woman brings up sex is to tease her about it, ask her why she’s bringing it up, and accuse her of having a dirty mind, etc. It’s great! You must realize that this is one of the very best ways to tease an attractive woman. They usually love it.  Attractive women often bring up the topic to see if you’re comfortable... or to test you to find out if you’ll get nervous or insecure.

The best thing to do in these situations is to accuse her of trying to get sexual too fast, tell her you’re not interested, and bust on her. It’s all kinds of good fun. And the added benefit is that it makes her more and more curious about you and why you don’t seem like all the other losers who roll over and act stupid.

Getting Them Interested In You

An important distinction that I’ve made which attracts women is to never act too happy.

Women are intrigued by men who are calm and almost unaffected. The real hotties are used to having men get nervous when talking to them, and they can sense that you’re different when you stay very cool and calmly talk to them.

NEVER let them sense that you’re too interested in the beginning.

I just read tonight in a book about cats that a cat will approach the person in the room that is least interested in it. Somehow, cats can detect when someone is paying no attention, which is what attracts them. WOMEN ARE THE SAME.

I know that this one doesn’t make any sense, but if you start acting uninterested, you’ll see that women will start giving you the “What’s wrong? You don’t like me?” response. Now, you may think this is manipulation, but I think of it as having fun, teasing, and being challenging. And by the way, I’ve told several women about this stuff later on after I got to know them better... and they ALL told me that it worked, and they’re glad that I did it in one way or another.

Chivalry

My experience is that women love chivalry.

I personally like to open doors for women, etc.

Here are a few things that you can do that women will find irresistible:

Open doors for them. I open all doors. Car doors, house doors, restaurant doors... any door that shows up. If you step just a little ahead and open each door, this will create an impression.

Pull out their chairs. Only do this if it makes sense and it’s reasonable. But if you can, do it. Women love to feel like a man is watching over them and making sure they are taken care of. This is another little way to show it.

Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. Most men, and even many women, don’t know that men are ‘supposed’ to walk on the outside of the sidewalk (closest to the traffic) just in case a car jumps the curb, so she’ll be safe and he’ll instead be hit. Do this, and if they don’t know why you’re doing it, explain the reason. Nice touch.

On Being A Man

There is a lot controversy around the differences between men and women. My perspective is that men and women are different in many ways and that they usually respond differently to various types of communication.

And as politically incorrect as this might sound, I believe that most women respond very strongly to ‘masculine’ men. The more confident, arrogant, and dominant I’ve acted, the more women have responded to me emotionally and sexually. (I’m not talking about hitting a woman over the head and dragging her to your cave, Bubba.)

And now that I’ve thought about it a lot and interviewed dozens of women about this topic, I’ve realized that weak men are generally not attractive to women. Women may demand things, whine, and act like a pain, but it’s usually all a test of one sort or another.

If you’re weak, shy, or submissive, get over it. Start walking a little taller, acting a little more self-centered, and taking what you want.

Now, I have to be careful here. I want to make sure you don’t start acting like an ‘asshole’ to women. The masculine man says, “No” to a woman calmly. The Asshole says, “No” to a woman in an angry tone. Get it?

Where To Meet Women

Here’s the deal: If you want to meet more women, you have to go to the places where they go.

If you like athletic women, go to the gym or spend time at the coffee shop or juice bar next to a gym.

If you like spiritual women, take yoga or meditation classes.

If you like large women, hang out at Weight Watchers.

Are you with me here?

The point is that you have to put yourself in a ‘high probability’ situation to meet women.

A sure place to find single women is bars and nightclubs. But this is also a sure place to find a lot of horny guys that are trying to pick up these women.

I’ll talk later about how to be successful in different situations, but for now I’d like you to think about where women that you’d like to meet hang out. And then start going there yourself.

A great place to meet women is ONLINE. If you need practice talking to women, invest in an AOL membership. For $23.90 a month, you can chat with women 24/7. I look at AOL as a ‘woman simulator’. You get on, start talking, and on the other end a woman simulator is there to respond to all of your conversation. It’s amazing. And the added bonus is that if a woman turns out to be interesting, you can actually meet her.

My point is simply to put on your thinking cap and ask yourself the question: “If I were the kind of woman who I’d like to meet, where would I hang out?”

Then start going to these places on different days and at different times to find when the best opportunities are.

I have a good friend that used to go to airports when flights were arriving from different places, because some of the flights were more likely to have attractive women on them.

I know one guy that loves to go to bookstores to meet women.

I know a guy that likes to go to ‘Asian Dances’ to meet women (and he’s not Asian).

Here are a few good general places: Dance lessons, gyms, bookstores, coffee shops, supermarkets, healthy food restaurants, yogurt shops, and anything near salons and beauty supply stores.

If you start paying attention, you’ll find places where women are more likely to be.

As a side note, if you live in an out-of-the-way place, and you’d like to start meeting a lot of fantastically beautiful women, you might consider a move to a big city. I’ve found the difference between big cities like New York, Chicago, L.A., etc., and small towns is dramatic. Attractive women flock to the large cities because this is where the opportunity is for them. This is also where they’re more likely to meet a rich, famous, or successful man.

I’ve been to places in big cities that had more beautiful women in one restaurant than a person living in a small town might see all year.

So think about where you live and how it relates to meeting the kind of woman or women that you’re interested in finding.

I’ve also found that many women love the fantasy of ‘accidentally’ meeting a man somewhere normal, but unexpected. This is a common female fantasy.

Women like the idea of accidental romance.

And the best part of meeting a woman in a ‘normal’ place is the fact that there are usually minimal distractions and no one else competing for her attention.

So keep this in mind when you’re out looking for potential mates.

On Cuddling

I personally love to cuddle. I discovered something almost entirely by accident one time when I was talking to a girl on the phone one night. We were having a discussion about the differences between men and women and I said something to this effect:

“Do you like to cuddle? I really like to cuddle… as a matter of fact, if I had to choose between cuddling and sex, I’d choose cuddling. Now don’t get me wrong, I love sex… but cuddling is the best… can you cuddle all night?”

Then I said, “I really like to kiss, and I can just kiss and cuddle... and touch someone all night... and feel wonderful...”

By the time I was finished, she started saying, “I’m really getting turned on right now”... she actually asked me to have phone sex with her!

I’ve had this happen on the phone several times since, and it’s not a coincidence.

When you’re talking to a woman, if you start talking about kissing, cuddling, touching... and you are very specific about it... “I like to run the tips of my fingers over the part of your shoulder where it touches your neck” ... a woman will start to actually experience it.

Try this one!

If you can learn how to talk to women in a way that stimulates their imagination, you can get them turned on over the phone.

I’m sure you can imagine the benefits of having this skill. If you don’t have any idea how to talk romantically, just read a couple of romance novels. I know that they make no sense, but use the stuff anyway. It works!

The Six Things That Attract Women

I’ve done a lot of research on this topic, and I believe that women are most attracted to these six things:

Now, numbers one through five are largely out of your immediate control. If you’re not rich, you’re probably not going to get rich this week. If you’re not famous or tall, you’re probably not going to be in a hit movie or grow 6 inches in the next 24 hours.

So that leaves us with number six: PERSONALITY.

The good news is that as far as I’m concerned, your personality is your GREATEST ASSET in the success-with-women game.

Fortunately, it’s the one thing you can change. And it’s the one thing that can OVERCOME all the rest. After you’ve done what you can to look your best, etc. you have to develop a personality that’s absolutely magnetic. Now let’s talk about how you can do just that.

By the way, the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something that they can initially ‘look’ for. It’s the way they FEEL when they are with you or thinking of you. If you don’t have wealth, power, fame, or looks, you’re going to have to use your personality to make them FEEL good. In the end, your personality is the most powerful asset you have.

The Initial Approach

This one is simple.

I’ve tried probably 50 different types of ‘lines’ and techniques for meeting women, and I’ve found that the simple ones work the best.

If I’m in an environment that has a lot of people, and I’m with a friend, I like to start by asking a woman for her ‘opinion’ on something. Here’s how it happens… first of all, I keep my eyes open for current affairs and interesting trivia that involves gender differences and tension. This makes for amazing conversation openers with hot, intelligent women.

My latest favorite: “Hey, let me ask you a question. My friend and I were talking about something, and I think we need a female perspective…” (This is a killer, by the way. It’s taken me a long time to figure this one out… but it kicks ass). Then I say, “I was just looking on the Internet… and did you know that the average woman in America is 5’ 4”, weighs 150 pounds, and wears a size 14?”  Ohhhhhhhhhh DAMMIT...

I LOVE THIS ONE!

They usually grab the ball and take off into the conversation with just that question.

Others include, “Do you think that men understand what women really want and need?” and “What do you think of this new trend of women wanting to pay their own way… and the Charlie’s Angel’s theme song that sings about it as almost a stuck up thing to do?”

You with me here?

After starting a conversation, get into Mr. Cocky and Funny mode, and you’ll do some good work.

If I’m alone, and the woman is alone or with friends, I usually start with a compliment opener… depending on the situation.

And I always try to tie it into the situation, so it doesn’t sound canned. Women that I run into can smell canned openers… I think that they’re getting popular again or something… because women can sense them like a dog sensing kitties.

I might say, “Excuse me… <Pause pause pause for effect> I noticed you when I walked in, and I had to take a second to find out what you were like…” or something

equally plausible sounding.

What I’ve realized is… if you’re going to approach a woman, what you say doesn’t much matter as much as HOW you say it (remember the character thing?).

So keep a serious look on your face (no big cheesy smiles) as this approach creates the feeling that you’re not overly excited. Then speak with a slow, mysterious confidence.

I’ve met many men who have big problems getting past the idea of walking up to women who they don’t know and starting a conversation. In fact, I had a huge issue too when I started learning about how to deal with women. My best advice is to just go for it and keep doing it until you finally get over it.

One guy I know went to a mall one day and walked up to every woman he saw to get over his fear. He said that he felt sick in the beginning, but the fear eventually went away. And then he did it again another day, and the fear went away a little faster. And now he can walk up to any woman anywhere and start talking.

Just remember, the only power any woman has in your life is THAT WHICH YOU GIVE HER. So don’t give away any of your power. Keep your power for you.

If you are turned away by her, or you get a rude person, just move on to the next one. Persistence is the price of success.

Humour

Here’s how I mentally approach meeting a new woman: I’m cocky and funny, I steal their lines, I tease them, and I don’t ever give them a break.

In my opinion, your most valuable asset, no matter your looks, height, age, or income – is humour.

I don’t care if you’re four feet tall and have one eye. If you can make women laugh consistently and get those good feelings flowing through them, they’ll love you.

I decided last year to start actually STUDYING comedy, as I’ve found that people (women) respond to it better than any other thing in the whole entire universe.

So I did a bunch of research on the Internet to find the best books, and I bought about 5 or 6 of them.

One book that I read called “Comedy Writing Secrets” by Melvin Helitzer made a great point. He said that the majority of humour revolves around the CHARACTER and not the jokes.

Most of the guys that I meet who want to learn to meet women are working on the ‘jokes’ in their life and not the ‘character’. I did it for about two years myself. I tried to learn all kinds of lines and B.S.

It finally dawned on me that women were not really that concerned with all of that… they wanted a particular CHARACTER. The lines didn’t matter as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange, magical, and weird.

So what’s the character that they want? Good question.

I have a good friend who’s the best I’ve ever seen at picking up women in bars and having sex with them that night. Now, I do better getting numbers and following up.

But this guy is just a machine. And his whole mindset towards meeting women is to be “cocky and funny” (his words). My opinion is that women are turned off by arrogant men… UNLESS… they’re DAMN FUNNY. This magic combination will attract women like Bill Clinton attracts chubby interns. I’m following in my buddy’s footsteps.

I’ll try to summarize the character that I’ve developed:

“I know that this girl is secretly trying to pick me up… I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.”

I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look

them right in the eye.

Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.

I say things that make them actually think that I’m serious, but leave a shadow of a doubt.

Here’s what I’m looking for: If they respond in an insecure way and say, “Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know that I was touching you”, I’ll keep it going… and say, “Well, you did. And if you’re going to keep doing it, I’d appreciate it if you’d touch a little higher.” They crack up.

If they shoot something funny back like, “Well, touchy touchy” and they know that I’m kidding, I just stay in character and say, “Yes, I don’t like being touched. So keep a foot or so between us please” and keep it going.

And yes, sometimes (not often) I’ll meet a cold one and she’ll get uptight – I just walk away.

If you’re going to do this, you have to remember to keep it going for the entire time… don’t turn into a dumb ass at the first sign of her liking you. Keep up the character, play hard to get, etc. forever!

Places To Go

I’ve learned that it’s more interesting to GO somewhere and DO something with a woman than it is to go on a ‘date’.

If you want to do more than just have coffee with a

woman, consider going somewhere fun to shop. I prefer funky, eclectic neighborhoods and shops. These are places full of wacky and fun items. It will give you an ongoing, changing set of things to talk about.

And the best part is that you don’t have to buy anything.

When you go to these types of places, you can just have fun and talk. Make sure you wander away from her a few times while you’re out. This keeps the ‘I’m not

needy’ thing going on.

Remember, you don’t have to spend money to have fun.

The Very Attractive Women Are Approached All The Time

I’m going to remind you of something that I talked about earlier in this book: Most attractive women are approached in one way or another all the time by men.

I was watching one of Chris Rock’s stand up routines recently; Chris was telling the women in the audience that anytime a man is being nice, it’s because he’s offering sex (or ‘dick’ as he put it).

So if a guy says, “Wow, you look great!”, what he really means is, “Wow, you really look great, would you like some dick?”

And remember that ‘desirable’ women including rich women, beautiful women, and famous women, are used to being treated like queens. (It’s really no fault of theirs; even very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It’s part of being human. We can all become spoiled easily if the right combination of circumstances arises. By the way, it’s good to keep a “You’re spoiled, and I don’t really blame you for it... you were just lucky to be born beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass” attitude...)

Being spoiled, these women act bratty to get their way. However, the ass kissing and always getting their way also has another effect. Since they are so used to being courted and having a man kiss their ass, when you show up, act funny and charming, and don’t play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend ass-

kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don’t answer ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social life, where you go, etc. and even label all of

those questions as, “Did you get a list of these questions like all the other shallow women around here?” etc.) it often has the effect of them thinking, “Wow, this is sure

DIFFERENT”, which gets their attention. The humour and arrogance (arrogance based on self-knowing, not on outer success) keeps their attention.

I think that it’s all about interrupting the current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING behaviour. You can use tricks, props, or whatever, but you have to interrupt the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants.

Many experts talk of establishing rapport, acting like them, etc. initially... I’ve found that breaking rapport usually works better for me. (Rapport is the concept of breathing, moving, and talking like another person so they feel a connection with you.)

But it’s a special kind of breaking rapport that I practice. I break rapport in a funny and charming way, which actually ASSUMES rapport from the beginning. (I insult women that I don’t know in a playful way all the time. Her only real choices with which to respond internally and externally are, “This guy is a jerk - I’m outta here” or “You’ve got some balls - but you’re damn funny - and for some reason, I feel like I know you...”)

When you point out a woman’s quirks or insecurities in a way that makes her laugh, you do so many positive things at once. She can’t deny that the things you’re saying are true, BECAUSE SHE’S LAUGHING. And she can’t really hate you too much, because it’s kind of fun.

Where And How To Meet Women

I intuitively determined that there are certain major steps to ‘meeting women’, if you will. This is how my mind naturally thinks.

I’ve now broken these down in my mind to chunks like ‘Approaching Women’, ‘Getting Phone Numbers’, etc. which I’ll explain here and in future chapters.

I’d like to add here that different people have different personal views regarding meeting women, ‘getting laid’, relationships, etc.

I’m not going to try to convince you that my way is the best, but I’ll share some of my personal values with you. When I’m in a ‘relationship’ with a woman and we’ve agreed to be ‘exclusive’, then I’m faithful to that woman.

If I’m single, then I date whoever I want, whenever I want, and have no problems or hang ups with sex, seeing more than one woman at a time, etc. Some people see things differently, which is fine, but I wanted you to know where I was coming from on this issue.

By the way, the things that I’m sharing with you work whether you’re just meeting a woman or if you’ve known her for years... or even if you’ve been married forever.

And contrary to what many men think, women usually love it that you’ve taken the time to learn things like what I’m teaching you. It makes things more fun and interesting for them.

Your Enemies Are Insecurity and Neediness

Insecurity and neediness are two of the biggest obstacles to success with women. Insecurity and neediness are like hemlock and arsenic – either will kill your attractiveness when dealing with women.

A man is needy when he craves attention or recognition. He shows that he’s insecure when he ACTS on these needs.

Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in a given situation. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence which is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval.

Women detect insecurity and neediness INSTANTLY.

Here are some examples of insecurity and neediness to avoid:

Hanging on a woman. Don’t touch a woman or crowd her too much in the beginning. Women take it as a sign of neediness and insecurity. Instead, lean back and let her become comfortable being around you. Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk too much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure. Having emotional responses to things. If it’s obvious to a woman that you easily get upset about things, then she will judge you to be insecure. Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what’s going to happen and then do it. If you are always asking, “Well, what do you think I should do?”, “Where do you want to go tonight?”, and “What do you want?”, you’ll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she’ll let you know. Saying or doing things just to be noticed or to get compliments. I’ve known a lot of men who try to act cool or show off to get attention. This approach telegraphs to a woman that you’re insecure and needy. Don’t do it. If you’re cool, she’ll figure it out without you telling her. Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you’re one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you’re insecure and needy. You may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it. If you really want to argue with something, do it in a funny way and not in a serious way.

Voice Tone

Voice tone is VERY important.

If you want to be more successful with women, work on developing a deep, resonant, musical, articulate voice tone.

And I don’t care if you have the whiniest, highest pitched voice anyone’s ever heard.

You can improve it if you try.

First of all, practice talking slower and deeper.

You should be able to feel your voice resonating in your chest when you talk.

Keep practicing until you can.

I highly recommend that you go out and buy the audio series “The Sound Of Your Voice” by Carol Flemming.

Also, get on eBay or Amazon.com and look for some voice training tapes.

They’re well worth the investment and practice. Women find a sexy voice irresistible. This is a big one, so get to work on it.

Fear

If you need to get ‘fear’ handled, read the book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. This is an AWESOME book on getting fear handled.

On Persistence:

A common theme I hear:

“NO

No

No

No

No

NO

NOOO

Noooo

Make love to me right now!”

Persistence is key. Never give up… if a woman says, “We’re not going to have sex tonight”, I immediately think to myself, “Ohhh, she just let me know that she’s feeling some temptation and wants to get the responsibility off herself… this is going to be fun and easy.”

Trust me on this one.

Their words are usually hollow and meaningless… watch their BEHAVIOUR…

***Now, DON’T take this to mean that if a woman says, “STOP” when you’re touching her that she wants you to rape her… this kind of dumb-ass thinking will result in jail time and your getting a large new boyfriend named Otis.***

Just realize that a “No” said with longing in her eyes or passion in her kiss usually means, “Get me more turned on by kissing my neck, caressing me, smelling me,  and saying romantic and sexy things.”

I’ve realized that women shift gears all the time and next time you talk to her she might be in a completely different mood, etc. so if you really want her, don’t give up the first time something weird happens.

How To Meet Women

OK, now let’s talk about the nuts and bolts of how to meet women.

Guys are constantly trying to find new ‘angles’ and ‘lines’ so that it can ‘appear natural’ when they talk to a woman. I mean, hell... most women’s fantasy is to meet a guy in a charming place and have this whole unplanned romantic thing happen right out of a movie (irony: unplanned and right out of a movie).

I really think that instead of trying to mask a pick-up, just make it damn good. If you can just be in the ‘more interesting’ category, you’ll get her attention, which is a major step. Then you can lean into the cocky and funny routine and take it from there.

Don’t try to hide the fact that you’re picking a woman up — be great at it, then get into cocky and funny (and reframe as them picking you up! Ha).

Meeting Women At Dance Lessons

Another good place to meet tons of single women is at dance lessons. I know, I know…sounds kind of fruity. But dance classes are LOADED with single women who LOVE GUYS WHO CAN DANCE. Heck, they even love guys who want to LEARN to dance.

Here’s the breakdown:

Most rudimentary dance lessons are set up in the same format. You have limited dance time with numerous partners. This is perfect.

Here are a few ideas for being cocky/funny on the ballroom dance floor...

“Hi, I’ll be your host for the next three minutes. If you can dance well, have a nice personality, and don’t step on my feet more than forty-seven times, I’ll let you be my

friend.”

“OK, impress me.”

“I just want you to know, I don’t think any less of you just because you’re so bad at ballroom dancing that you need lessons.”...

just take out a piece of paper and spend 5 minutes on this one. You’ll be set for life.

The First Date Is NOT An Interview

I have had so many readers write and ask me, “How should I act on the first date? What should we talk about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?”, that I

felt I should address these points a bit further.

The first thing to remember when you’re meeting up with a girl for ‘a date’ is that it’s NOT an INTERVIEW. You’re not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don’t act like it.

It’s so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a couple that’s obviously out on their first date... and the guy has no idea what to do. It sounds

something like this:

“So, did you grow up around here?”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?”

Painful. Why is it that people tend to act like they’re on job interviews when they go out on dates? It’s such a not-right thing to do. I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING, PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.

And why is this? Good question. And I’m glad you asked.

First, let’s talk about WHY most guys allow the conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics... Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of ‘I don’t want to screw this up’. In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.

They try to present themselves as ‘nice guys’ who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.

Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner). I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.

WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION. Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humour, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy conversation.

So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of BOREDOM, you’re going to have to learn a new way. You’re going to have to learn to talk about something else.

The trick to not talking about the ‘usual’ things is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.

Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in general? Right – drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of the parties involved. Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:

“So what’s with The Osbournes being MTV’s #1 show of all time? I guess people just can’t get enough of dysfunctional family life... they have to watch it on TV too.”

“I’m so bummed that Justin broke up with Britney. They were so damn cute together. I was hoping that they’d have a daughter with fake blonde hair and breast implants at birth.”

“Have you tuned into this ‘Cheaters’ TV show? Don’t you just love it when they come storming into someone’s house and catch the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?”

These topics will light up a conversation like nobody’s business. And they create all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes and

neurotic behaviour of others. The trick is that you must remember you’re not there to impress her, and you’re not on a job interview. The more you act nervous, stilted, and

uncomfortable... like you’re trying to impress her and get her approval... and like you don’t want to say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to trigger that all-important ATTRACTION inside of her.

And here’s a real twist on this theme: If SHE starts asking the ‘normal’ questions about school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say, “What, is this a job interview?” or “Can’t you think of something interesting to talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation. Let’s save that until we’re picking names for our kids.”

Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:

1)  History. Women love to hear stories about the history of places. If you’re in an interesting part of town, tell her the story of how the area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if the story involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.

2)  Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless. Try learning a little about fashion, so this way you can make fun of it while acting like you know what you’re talking about. “Didn’t Madonna really screw up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?”

3)  Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your wild perspective on others. “You know, I’ve been trying to figure out why so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio.” This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be INTERESTING. The old-fashioned act-like-you’re-on-a-job interview rap just doesn’t cut it. Now, for some guys, the ideas that I’ve just talked about will make sense but won’t come naturally. That’s OK. You may have to work on this for awhile, especially if you’ve spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing. Old Proverb: “No matter how far down the wrong road you’ve gone, TURN BACK.”

So remember, attraction isn’t a choice. And attraction doesn’t make logical sense. If you want to create that magical “chemistry”, then you’re going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.