The Beginning of the End, Or the End of the Beginning

Once you’ve figured out how to attract women, you’re bound to find one who’s particularly interesting to you.

One that you might actually, um, love.

One that you might want to keep around for a bit. Hey, you might even meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Even though I’ve made most of this book about meeting women, I don’t feel that it would be complete without at least a few ideas on how to keep a woman attracted to you for the long haul.

But first of all, here’s my take on why relationships fail:

When you first start dating someone you really like, the body releases a combination of chemicals that are quite literally intoxicating. These chemicals cause you to want to be with that person all the time, stay up all night talking to them, and have sex with them three times a day.

Let’s Be Friends

Have you ever noticed how women will say, “I like him, but only as a FRIEND.”

Don’t you hate that?

I thought about that one for a long time, and a friend of mine and I have figured out how to turn this one around. Now I always make reference to ‘making friends’ and ‘let’s get together and make friends’ and ‘if nothing else, we can be friends’ in the first conversation and when setting up the first coffee date.

Then when on the date, I talk about why I like to make ‘friends’ first to get to know the other person. “I think that you’re going to make a nice friend.”

Then, after the friendship frame is established, I flirt like hell and make sexual innuendoes and jokes. This immediately sets up the idea that I’m very in control of myself and that I’m going to JUDGE whether l want to be more than friends based on something more than JUST HER LOOKS.

This is something that a woman has most likely NEVER encountered (as you know, this is a favorite of mine).

By the way, if you talk about being friends first, it makes you remember to look past the looks and find out what kind of person you’re dealing with (If I had a dollar for every guy I know, including myself, that screwed his life up by getting too involved with a woman because she was attractive on the outside, but turned out to be a horrible person...)

You can keep up this ‘let’s be friends’ fun forever. Even after you start dating, still talk about it. It’s easy to have fun with it. You’ll see.

Do As Much As You Can To Improve

First, I looked at myself. I asked, “If I were the type of woman who I would like to attract (I like super hot, very intelligent women), what would make me want to be

with a man?”

So I started reading, listening to tapes, going to seminars… you name it. And I started to work on my ‘presentation’ of myself.

I now think that it’s important to get EVERY POSSIBLE thing going for you that you can.

Here’s my take: If you have messed up teeth, for instance, that still shouldn’t prevent you from dressing well. So don’t let it.

Get a cool hair style. (It’s OK to ask a stylist what’s cool and get help on this one.)

Buy nice clothes (Don’t tell me that you don’t have the $$$. Get on eBay, or go to the Nordstrom Rack and look at the clearance items. I did it to start.). If you will do just a few key things, they won’t necessarily HELP you attract women, but they’ll get rid of things that are PREVENTING you from attracting women that you DON’T EVEN REALIZE.

Make no mistake that if you’re interested in ATTRACTIVE women, you’d better realize right now that these things make a difference. You don’t have to work out ten times a week, but get your body in at least OK shape. You don’t have to have perfect teeth, but make sure that they’re clean and your breath is great. My personal view: If you’re overweight, poorly groomed, etc., these are all things that are within your control. You should get them handled for YOURSELF. If you don’t, then I’m going to assume that you don’t have very much self-respect, in which case almost NOTHING I tell you can help.

Women notice details that most men don’t. They notice if your belt and shoes match. They notice what kinds of foods you like to eat. They notice all the details and then make assumptions about every other area of your life based on these details.

So learn what nice shoes are and how to keep them nice. Figure out how colors and clothing go together and what is cool. It’s worth it.

I wasn’t ‘cool’ when I started, but now I’ve learned how to become more so. Huge difference. (Am I saying that you can’t attract women if you wear Nike’s and have

messed up hair? No. But remember the old saying: “A blind pig can find an occasional truffle…”)

Of course, don’t overdo it.

I’ve tried the whole dressing well bit in the past to the point of looking like I’m trying too hard. Now I dress more ‘casual nice’. I wear a lot of Calvin Klein T-Shirts with black jeans and nice black shoes, etc. This look with a nice leather coat works well in almost any situation. This is a look that you can put together for a couple or few hundred bucks (for several sets).

Here’s my mindset: Keep improving all the time, even if it’s the SMALLEST DETAIL.

I noticed recently that at least once every time I go out, a girl will ask me for a light. I always just said, “I don’t smoke” or “No”. A couple weeks ago, I said “Ah-Ha” and went to the lighter store SPECIFICALLY to find the coolest lighter that anyone has ever invented. I bought this torch lighter that make a huge flame. It looks like a welding flame. So what do you think happened the first time I went out with it? Right… got asked for a light… and got a ‘wow’ reaction from her, which started a conversation.

A list of random things to improve:

Remember, women notice the details and assume you handle everything else the same way.

More Nuggets of Gold

Always end conversations, meetings, and phone calls first.

I got this idea from the book “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider...You remember that book that was written about how to get a man to marry you? Well, it’s a great book. But I don’t think the authors would like the reasons why I think it’s great. I take all of ‘the rules’ and turn them around. When you play the games that women often play, you will not believe the responses you’ll get.

Now, I used to be against any kind of ‘game playing’. I still don’t like lies, cheating, general dishonesty, or manipulation. BUT, when you use these things in the right way, it becomes kind of a ‘game’ that women LOVE to play. It’s strange, but women love to tease and be teased. And if you don’t take this stuff too seriously, you can have some real fun.

But, I digress... The reason to end conversations, calls, and meetings first is that it does two things: First, it says, “I’m not a needy guy, and I have things to do. I’m

busy and if you want me, you’re going to have to work to get me.”

Second, it sets up a situation where YOU are in control of the situation. If you start doing this with EVERY call, EVERY meeting, and EVERY conversation, you will be

blown away by the responses you’ll get.

You’ll have women say, “What? But we’re having so much fun...!”, “Well, when can I see you again?”, or “Don’t you like me?”

By the way, don’t take the bait when they say these things! Say, “Of course I like you, and of course I’m having fun – but I’m busy and I have things to do. So call me tomorrow and maybe I can get together with you at the end of the week.”

I LOVE THIS!!! Love it! Love it! Love it!

And women love it too. As much as you might think it’s cruel and unusual punishment, women love nothing more than to go home wondering, “Does he love me? Does he like me? Will he call me? Did he have fun?”

I know, I know... sounds too bizarre to be true, but trust me. Tease and do these things, and you’ll find that they’ll work like a charm... plus have the added bonus of

being damn fun!

***I have to insert here that I’ve given this advice to many needy man who have rejected it whole heartedly. They continue to act needy and not let women go at the

end of the night, when talking on the phone, etc. By not making themselves scarce and unusual, they make themselves valueless. Don’t make the same mistake

yourself.

Another one that I use often is ‘Don’t say caring and affectionate things directly – but say them indirectly’. Women have a love for metaphors, demonstrations,

stories, gifts, etc.

For instance, saying, “You’re beautiful” 12 times a day isn’t attractive, but writing a poem that says it and leaving it somewhere as a surprise is very attractive.

Also, if I’m appreciating something about a woman, I point to a specific part or thing or detail. Women love it when you NOTICE things.

This reminds me of a very important point: Women LOVE it when you THINK about them. If you say, “I was thinking about you, so I wrote you” the woman will have something inside go ‘click’! I believe that women like gifts not because they have value, but because they say, “I was thinking about you, I have these feelings for you, and this gift is a symbol for them.”

Does this make sense to you?

I didn’t think so. It didn’t to me, either. But IT’S TRUE. So start telling women that you were thinking about them, that you were remembering times with them, and that something reminded you of them. If you do this, you don’t have to buy gifts anymore! They know you’re thinking about them! Nice.

Here’s something else that I’ve figured out that doesn’t make any sense at all: Women love ‘Mismatched Communication’. What I mean by this is that women like it when you’re doing one thing serious and one thing jokingly, or being verbally tough, but physically affectionate.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

If you’re talking to a woman and telling her that you think she’s beautiful, keep a very SERIOUS look on your face. This adds all kinds of drama to the situation and gives the woman something to imagine all kinds of deep meanings. (By the way, most men smile too much. Smile less when talking to women. It will keep them wondering what you’re thinking and it will help you.)

Or while kissing a woman, reach down and bite her on the neck, just a tiny bit too hard (no blood please).

One thing tender, one thing slightly violent.

Or maybe you’ve just finished holding her hand and kissing her. When she stands up, give her a spank on the ass and tell her it was because she’s such a good kisser.

The idea here is that what you’re feeling is causing you to do something IRRATIONAL. You’ve being swept away by the moment. Or you’re experiencing conflicting feelings. This leaves it to her to figure out what you’re ‘REALLY’ feeling, which women love to do.

It also makes you the most interesting, unpredictable guy she’s ever met.

You know, another thing that I’ve noticed is that women LOVE to talk about sex. Most men are not comfortable bringing up the subject with women they don’t know. But try telling a couple of dirty jokes, or talking about a sex program you saw on T.V. Most women will jump right in and start giving their take on the topic. It’s amazing. Try it.

The Underlying Motives

I think that it’s important to look at the differences between men and women from an objective perspective.

Remember that just about every thought and behaviour that a woman has, no matter how little sense it may make to you, has some positive intention behind it. Drama is often to get attention. Jealousy is often a way of protecting a relationship. Games are often used to make sure that a man is serious and willing to invest energy.

So as you work to become more successful with women, remember not to take things personally. Don’t get discouraged if you encounter games, drama, and things that you don’t understand. It’s all part of the game.

I believe that underneath it all, men are usually trying to find women who will give them sex, and women are usually trying to find men who will give them loyalty and commitment. This has evolved over many millions of years, and these goals contain an obvious conflict of interest.

So just realize this conflict exists, and as you learn, remember to take it into consideration. And, of course, don’t take any of it personally. Men have been dealing with all of these same issues for a long, long time.

How To Get The First Meeting

First of all, I’m going to explain my mindset: I have decided that I need about 20-30 minutes to get to know a woman before I decide to invest in getting to ‘really’ know her.

I actually like women for their company, and who I’d enjoy seeing for more than just one ‘get laid’ session.

So I like to meet a woman for a cup of tea and talk for a bit, or even let that lead to a bite to eat sometimes. So my mindset is that I’M THERE TO QUALIFY THEM. Not the other way around. They pick up on this mentality and

respond accordingly.

Why Women Are Attracted To Things Like Fame, Money, And Power

In my opinion, women are attracted to things like fame, money, and power because they are genetically and socially programmed on an unconscious level to believe that these men are more intelligent, more fun, more interesting, more able to give them the lifestyle – and MOST IMPORTANTLY – more able to give them the Influence, Robert

FEELINGS that they want. In his book Cialdini talks about a psychological principle called the ‘Halo Effect’. In a nutshell, humans naturally assume that attractive and powerful people are smarter and more trustworthy than average people.

A woman desires a man who fits into her self-image fantasies that have been forming since she was very young. And thanks to Disney these fantasies were imbedded even further than her genetic wiring ever intended.

Overall, the answer is to realize that rich, powerful, famous guys have the advantage at the beginning from their FAMILIARITY and ASSUMED, PROJECTED positive traits. But if you can learn to get a woman’s attention and then give her the FEELINGS that she’s always wanted, she’ll treat you like you’re famous, rich, and powerful as

well.

A tall, handsome man, or a famous rich man ‘pushes a button’ and triggers certain feelings inside of a woman. If you’re not rich, famous, tall and/or super attractive, you have to learn to ‘install the button’ so that when they see you, they automatically have those feelings. The good news is that you can do this with most women, whereas you cannot with most men.

While women are interested in looks to some degree, they are MORE interested in how you make them feel. Even if you don’t understand this concept, you have to believe and start acting as if it’s true. You must behave as if you confidently believe that you are the best thing for a woman and that you are going to make her feel wonderful.

Women can pick up this particular belief, and they respond to it.

Ask yourself:

Then start doing these things. When you’re talking to a woman, imagine how good you’re going to make her feel. Fake it till you make it. Just do it. Women will notice.

Be Different In An Attractive Way

By studying marketing and sales, I’ve learned that humans are attracted to things that are unique. They are also attracted to things that are superior. So I have a phrase that I use: “Different in a preferential way.” In the mating game, it pays to be different in an ATTRACTIVE way.

What I’m about to share with you is a group of ingredients. These are the different ingredients to which women are attracted. It’s up to you to take what you have and to use this list to augment your personality in such a way that it becomes attractive to the type of women with whom you’re interested. The key is to be different in an attractive way.

But make sure that you’re not too different! If you get too carried away with this idea, you’ll be outside of the realm of ‘normal’ and you will wind up hurting yourself. So experiment and test to see what works for you.

Be Prepared! Expect

It’s funny to me that so many people expect to fail. For instance, I once heard someone say, “A woman won’t get into an unmade bed.” This is actually pretty interesting if you think about it. My point here is to encourage you to not only expect success in your mind, but also expect success in the real world.

Here are a couple of ways to expect and plan for success:

See where I’m going with this?

If you’re not prepared to have a guest, then you’re going to do all kinds of things to screw up your chances of success with women.

Right now, think of all the things you need to do so that there are NO obstacles preventing you from success in your car, house, etc.

Now let’s talk about a few ways to REALLY separate yourself from most other men.

Find Others

MOST IMPORTANTLY I found and started to hang around guys who WERE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN. This was the biggie. I owe much of my success to the guys who showed me in the real world what they did. It wasn’t the books and the people selling tapes and seminars. It was the guys who were successful in the real world. What I do now resembles nothing that I’ve really read in a book or learned from an author.

So the BEST advice I can give you is to find about 5 guys in your area that know what they’re doing and say, “Hey, I really want to get this part of my life handled…can I take you to dinner (no kissing) and pick your brain man?” Be humble and cool, and you’ll make some friends. Like I said, find about 5 different guys so you can get different perspectives and see how it all fits together.

By the way, go read Chapter 10 in “Think and Grow Rich” about the ‘Master Mind’ group. IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE, DO THIS ONE THING. IT WILL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

Learn A Few Cold Reading Methods

Women love things like Astrology, Tarot Cards, Palmistry, Handwriting Analysis, Psychics, and anything else you can think of that most men aren’t interested in.

Here’s what to do:

Go get the books “Handwriting Analysis” by Karen Amend, “Palm Reading: A Little Guide To Life’s Secrets” by Dennis Fairchild. and “An Introduction to Hand Reflexology” by Denise Brown. You can order all of them at Amazon.com.

Then sit down for an evening and read them. Learn some basics about how to tell people what they’re like from studying handwriting samples, looking at their palms, feeling tension in their bodies, etc.

This stuff is ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING to women.

All you have to do is take a woman’s hand, look at it, and say, “Well, you’re a very interesting person.”

That’s it... it’s almost like magic.

After revealing to her all of her secret desires, you can move directly into your hand massage and Reflexology methods. I’m hoping that the benefits of these techniques speak for themselves.

By the way, it doesn’t hurt to know a few advanced or unusual massage moves either. So you might want to check out a couple of books on massage while you’re at it.

The First Shift In Thinking

So let’s start off with this shift in thinking: Think about what the woman who you’re interested in needs and wants and don’t assume that these are the same things that YOU need and want.

And don’t assume that what women want is going to make any sense at all to you, because it probably won’t. This shift in thinking was a big one for me personally to understand. Almost none of what I do to be successful with women makes any sense to me logically, because I’m not a woman. But now that I see that what I do works over and over again, I realize that it doesn’t matter what makes sense.

All that matters is WHAT WORKS.

Let’s get a little deeper into the female heart and mind. Females select males most of the time in nature... and in modern human courtship. And even if the man selects the woman, many if not most women still harbour the secret fantasy that they’re ‘letting him do it’, etc.

Sooooooo.... It’s good to address this issue and point out when talking to women (even if you hint at it and talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are

This kind of thing is the selector and not the selectee. very powerful, as it does one of my favourite things: It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIFE LIFE. I specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say things that she’s never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY.

I even say to women, “I’m about to tell you something (or something about you) that no one has ever told you...” This really gets a woman on the edge of her seat and puts her into an instant state of attention (when done in a context that makes sense). And if the thing you tell them is profound enough, they’ll begin to see you as a sort of super psychic powerhouse (women are fascinated by these kinds of insights).

My personal view is that if you help people to have profound realizations, they’ll see you as a guru rather than seeing the information or themselves as powerful. It doesn’t matter from where the info came, as long as it’s something that the person has never really thought about in that way (that’s also profound to her).

One good example is to say to a hot woman who’s acting arrogant, “You don’t have me fooled for a minute, dear.”

When she says, “What are you talking about?”, you say, “Well, I know that most men fall for this ‘I’m beautiful and aloof and I get my way’ part of your personality... but I know something that none of them know... that there’s really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I’ll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who’s only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known... <pause, pause, pause>... You may act tough, but you’re actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn’t bother you... but you’ll think about it all the way home... I know that secretly you’re as sensitive as a little girl... it’s just that most people never get to meet that part of you...”

This messes up a cold woman soooo hard that you have to be ready for instant personality meltdown and a completely different person to come out of her.

At this point, it’s often easy to start talking about the whole pick-up scene and how women play men, etc. to let her know that you’re an insider and not falling for her game. If you drop two or three more profound comments during this time, you’ll have a woman who won’t leave you alone (but keep acting like you want to be left alone so she’ll stay after you!). Nice.

Where Our Desires Come From

After spending the last ten years or so studying psychology and behaviour, I’ve come to the opinion that MOST of our desires, drives, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, behaviours, and personality traits are determined by our DNA and some by our social

conditioning. I’m talking about both men and women here.

Even differences like whether a person prefers adventure or couch riding are largely a matter of programming from birth (If you really disagree with me on this one, read some books on the Myers-Briggs or try the book “Type Who Am I?” by Steven Reiss.)

In any event, HOWEVER they got to be interested in these common things, most women have a few main interests, needs, desires, or whatever you want to call them when it comes to men, relationships, and romance.

Have you ever read the personals? Have you ever noticed how many women say things like “princess looking for prince”, “friends first”, and “looking for my soul mate”?

Have you ever noticed how almost NO men ever say these things?

What’s going on?

Have you ever listened to a group of women talking about men?

Ever notice how they speak largely in some kind of code language and constantly make a big deal out of tiny details that seem totally irrelevant?

Have you ever noticed, on the other hand, how men are direct with each other and have no interest in bickering over small things?

What’s going on?

Have you ever noticed how many women are attracted to drama?

Here’s my take on this whole subject: Women are playing out a role that hasn’t changed for thousands (or millions?) of years. These days the language and clothing are different. But it’s the same that it’s always been.

There are many parts of human brains that create drives and desires for different things. Often, these drives conflict with each other.

For instance, a woman might want a strong man in her life, but she might also want a feeling of independence. She might want to have attention, but she might also want to be seen as above needing it. (Men have these types of conflicts as well, but in different areas.)

So, for example, I hear a lot of men saying things like, “I hate all the drama that women create. Why do they create this stuff?”

My answer: Drama accomplishes a lot of things at once. It gets attention, it sends emotions through the body (emotions are highly addictive chemicals), it’s a way

to be self-righteous, it’s often fun, it’s interesting and prevents boredom, it gives things meaning... and on and on. There are a lot of good reasons for drama. But most men can’t understand because drama fulfils needs that MOST MEN DON’T HAVE.

It’s like women saying, “I hate it when all a guy can talk about is sports.” What needs to sports fulfil for men? Competition, adrenaline, power, domination... all the typical guy stuff. Incidentally, stuff that fulfils needs that most women just plain don’t have.

It’s OK To Be A Man

After many years of studying, researching, and trying many different things, I’ve now realized that there is a conspiracy against men being successful with women.

It’s very real, and it’s very pervasive in our culture.

Let me explain.

Most men that I know have some kind of ‘feeling’ that it’s wrong in some way to sleep with more than one woman at a time. (I’m not even referring to a Ménage à Trois, either. I’m talking about plain old run-of-the-mill dating a couple of women at a time here.)

But most women that I know have more than just a ‘feeling’ about this idea. Most women are outspoken and very forward about the idea that it’s WRONG for most men to date and sleep with more than one woman.

You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices when they talk about this topic.

If you know what I’m talking about, give me a silent nod here.

What I’ve discovered by doing my homework is that the moral idea of monogamy (having only one partner at a time) has been formalized, passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions, and women for thousands of years.

I don’t mean to get too far out here, but I feel that understanding from where these beliefs came and how they are promoted will liberate many readers.

Onward.

Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years ago, rulers of lands kept large harems of women. These harems were guarded carefully to prevent any males except the rulers from having access to these women. The penalty for sleeping with one of the ruler’s women could be, in an extreme case, your own death and the deaths of everyone in your family and village. (Back then there were bigger risks involved!)

These rulers kept so many women not just for the sexual variety that it provided them, but also for the reproductive power that it gave them. These rulers often had detailed records kept so they could copulate with only the most fertile women and maximize the woman’s chances of pregnancy and passing on their own genes.

So what do you think these rulers did to protect their harems?

Right! They passed laws (from which they were exempt) to promote monogamy.

In these times there was a great shortage of women, so these laws would discourage married men (those lucky enough to find a woman) from seeking sex outside of their marriage and therefore further protect the ruler’s harem.

Next, we have the church.

Many religions prohibit sex, make sex ‘wrong’, give it some name with a negative connotation like ‘fornication’, or in one way or another discourage it.

I once heard a wise man say, “Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and procreate and makes it wrong.” Why? Well, if you’re

busy fighting your internal drives, and you see God as the only way to cleanse yourself of these ‘bad’ thoughts, then you are a much better SHEEP.

If you want to get people to follow you, first confuse them, then convince them that you know the way to get them out of their confused state. Easy.

Finally, we have women. This is the interesting one.

If you look at it from an ‘economic’ standpoint, it doesn’t benefit women at all to have their man running around having sex with other women. She can only be pregnant with one child at a time, and she can only raise a limited number at a time. So having a man who’s out spreading his seed is BAD BAD BAD for business for her.

When you’re out spreading seed, you can’t be working or at home helping. Even worse, you might have other kids with other women who will further divide your attention and income. (By the way, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with women’s perspectives. I’m just saying that if you look at it from their point of view, there’s not a lot of benefit to having a man who likes to sleep with a lot of women.)

So anything that promotes monogamy like religion is seen as ‘right’ to many women, as it goes along with what they think and feel.

Now let’s talk about men.

My research leads me to believe that men are ‘naturally’ inclined to have one main woman to whom they are devoted, but that they like to sleep with other

women as the opportunity arises. You can believe what you want, but do yourself a favour and read Matt Ridley’s book, The Red Queen, before you start speculating.

Think about it. There are major advantages to men (or at least to their genes) to sleep with many women.

First, it doesn’t take a lot of energy, and there’s not very much risk involved. (I realize that there is risk of disease, etc., but for the moment think about the fact that a man could probably father dozens of children before a disease would take him out, making the tradeoff, genetically speaking, a no-brainer.)

I personally believe that men are hard-wired to look for sexual opportunities and seek out sexual variety. (Let me also add that just because you’re hard-wired to like sweet foods doesn’t mean that you should only eat sweet foods. This will lead you to sickness and eventually to disease and death.)

With this in mind, I’d like you to ask yourself:

What are my beliefs about monogamy?

Where did they come from?

Do I like my beliefs?

Do my beliefs conflict with my inner drives?

Would I like to change what I believe based on this new information?

In any event, from now forward, don’t let anyone or anything make you feel bad because of your NATURAL desires and attraction to women. (I’m of course talking about reasonable desires and attractions. If you like to think about hurting women, underage women, etc., then do yourself a favor and get some help.)

But if you’re like me and you were given a set of ideas about women that you are now realizing to be less than useful, then move on and start thinking about the

subject differently.

My perspective is that sleeping with different women breaks no ‘law of the universe’, and it’s not an ethical dilemma for me. Any objections that are in existence were created mostly to control and not to liberate. My perspective is also that it’s important to be honest with people about your views. And yes, this means talking to women about them. In my life, I’ve mostly had long-term girlfriends. And if I tell a woman that I’m going to be faithful, then I am.

But if I’m single, then I see nothing wrong with dating as many women as I want. (Keep in mind that there are some crazy viruses, diseases, and other scary bugs that want to jump on your wiener. So use good judgment.)

I’ve found that if you explain this topic like I just have to a woman, you’ll often show her a perspective that she’s never even considered. My experience is that women actually LOVE to hear a man talking this way. It’s refreshing to women to hear a man being open about this controversial topic rather than hiding his ideas. It’s important to remember what I said above: “It’s OK To Be A Man.”

If you are who you are and make no apologies for yourself, you will be taken seriously. But if you approach the topic cautiously and act like you’re trying to see if she’s OK with your views, you’ll be seen as weak and insecure.

I’ve found that most women will accept you as you are. But if you try to act like someone that you’re not and you’re found out, you will be treated with disrespect and ex-communicated.

My Story

I made the decision a few years ago that I needed to get the area of my life ‘handled’ called ‘dealing with women’. So I made a decision and a commitment to myself and my best friend that I would do whatever it took to learn and ‘figure this out’. (Read Chapter 1 from “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill for more on this

mindset.)

Some background: The girlfriends that I had in the past were mostly from luck now that I reflect on it. They were there, and I felt lucky to have them as my girlfriend at the time.

But I never knew how to approach women I didn’t know, and I could sit in a bar for three hours making eye contact with a woman and never have the nerve to go talk to her. Right now I’m just turning 30, and I’m about 5’10” and 160 pounds. I think I’m reasonably good looking, but I’ve never been the kind of guy that women just walk up and approach. (I say this to give you a frame of reference in relationship to the comments I make relating to looks, etc.) I’ve made myself more attractive by paying attention, learning, and using what works.

When I made the decision to get this part of my life handled, I decided that instead of trying to start with an angle (working at a strip club, becoming famous for something, etc.) that I would like to learn in a way that gave me power to act with just my personality and presentation.  In other words, I wanted to make this part of who I was rather than a ‘trick’.

I have a rule of thumb in life that I use… it takes about 2-4 years just to get ‘good’ at something. And I mean JUST TO GET GOOD. Think martial arts, playing an Mastery by instrument…anything. (Read Chapter 1 of Leonard for more wisdom on this topic.)

Sure, you can have some success and fun while learning, but experience has shown me that to really ‘get’ something and to be able to use it in many contexts successfully, you need to apply yourself for 2-4 years.

THEN, I think it takes another 2-4 years to become a ‘master’ of whatever you’re doing.

At the 10+ year level is usually where the Genius level really kicks in…

My point here is to say that I’ve been applying myself for a few years now, and I am now at the point where I feel confident and in control around women. I encourage you to make this a long-term commitment rather than just trying to get an instant cure. It will be worth it in the long run.

If you’re just plain lazy and want a shortcut, go ahead and try all of them. But you’ll most likely find, like most others do, that massive success with this material takes

practice, effort, and a commitment.

Getting Them Interested In You

An important distinction that I’ve made which attracts women is to never act too happy.

Women are intrigued by men who are calm and almost unaffected. The real hotties are used to having men get nervous when talking to them, and they can sense that you’re different when you stay very cool and calmly talk to them.

NEVER let them sense that you’re too interested in the beginning.

I just read tonight in a book about cats that a cat will approach the person in the room that is least interested in it. Somehow, cats can detect when someone is paying no attention, which is what attracts them. WOMEN ARE THE SAME.

I know that this one doesn’t make any sense, but if you start acting uninterested, you’ll see that women will start giving you the “What’s wrong? You don’t like me?” response. Now, you may think this is manipulation, but I think of it as having fun, teasing, and being challenging. And by the way, I’ve told several women about this stuff later on after I got to know them better... and they ALL told me that it worked, and they’re glad that I did it in one way or another.

Chivalry

My experience is that women love chivalry.

I personally like to open doors for women, etc.

Here are a few things that you can do that women will find irresistible:

Open doors for them. I open all doors. Car doors, house doors, restaurant doors... any door that shows up. If you step just a little ahead and open each door, this will create an impression.

Pull out their chairs. Only do this if it makes sense and it’s reasonable. But if you can, do it. Women love to feel like a man is watching over them and making sure they are taken care of. This is another little way to show it.

Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. Most men, and even many women, don’t know that men are ‘supposed’ to walk on the outside of the sidewalk (closest to the traffic) just in case a car jumps the curb, so she’ll be safe and he’ll instead be hit. Do this, and if they don’t know why you’re doing it, explain the reason. Nice touch.

On Being A Man

There is a lot controversy around the differences between men and women. My perspective is that men and women are different in many ways and that they usually respond differently to various types of communication.

And as politically incorrect as this might sound, I believe that most women respond very strongly to ‘masculine’ men. The more confident, arrogant, and dominant I’ve acted, the more women have responded to me emotionally and sexually. (I’m not talking about hitting a woman over the head and dragging her to your cave, Bubba.)

And now that I’ve thought about it a lot and interviewed dozens of women about this topic, I’ve realized that weak men are generally not attractive to women. Women may demand things, whine, and act like a pain, but it’s usually all a test of one sort or another.

If you’re weak, shy, or submissive, get over it. Start walking a little taller, acting a little more self-centered, and taking what you want.

Now, I have to be careful here. I want to make sure you don’t start acting like an ‘asshole’ to women. The masculine man says, “No” to a woman calmly. The Asshole says, “No” to a woman in an angry tone. Get it?

Internal States

Finally, I’m going to address the idea of your ‘states’. By ‘state’ I mean the feeling that you have in your body.

Can you remember a time when you felt happy and excited?

Can you remember a time when you felt powerful and energetic?

If you can, then you can HAVE THESE FEELINGS ANY TIME YOU WANT THEM. Most people don’t use their memories to help them feel good because they say, “Well, that’s not really how I’m feeling; I’m just imagining it.” Well, I have news for you: You’re ALWAYS just imagining it. You might as well imagine it at times when you need it instead of having it happen on accident!

Here’s how to apply this idea:

Write down three states that you’d like to be able to put yourself into anytime you’d like. Then, write down three times in your life when you felt each of those states. Finally, close your eyes and put yourself into each of the three situations that made you feel the state that you want. Also, do SOMETHING UNIQUE with your body as you’re remembering. For instance, if you’d like to feel powerful and confident, while you’re remembering times when you felt this way, breathe out quickly while

puckering your lips.

If you do this process of remembering the states and exhaling quickly at the same time, all you have to do in the future is close your eyes, breathe out quickly while remembering the feelings, and you’ll have the states that you want. It’s like having a ‘push’ button for feeling good about yourself.

Next, you have to practice putting yourself into your three powerful states when you’re in different environments. So go to different places and practice getting yourself into your states with distractions, etc. This might take some doing, but once you have it

mastered, you’ll be able to get yourself into a positive state when you’re not feeling it to begin with (Could this exercise be useful when you’re feeling shy or afraid to

meet someone? Maybe!)

I also started keeping a personal journal of everything that I was learning and doing, so I could reflect on it.

Where To Meet Women

Here’s the deal: If you want to meet more women, you have to go to the places where they go.

If you like athletic women, go to the gym or spend time at the coffee shop or juice bar next to a gym.

If you like spiritual women, take yoga or meditation classes.

If you like large women, hang out at Weight Watchers.

Are you with me here?

The point is that you have to put yourself in a ‘high probability’ situation to meet women.

A sure place to find single women is bars and nightclubs. But this is also a sure place to find a lot of horny guys that are trying to pick up these women.

I’ll talk later about how to be successful in different situations, but for now I’d like you to think about where women that you’d like to meet hang out. And then start going there yourself.

A great place to meet women is ONLINE. If you need practice talking to women, invest in an AOL membership. For $23.90 a month, you can chat with women 24/7. I look at AOL as a ‘woman simulator’. You get on, start talking, and on the other end a woman simulator is there to respond to all of your conversation. It’s amazing. And the added bonus is that if a woman turns out to be interesting, you can actually meet her.

My point is simply to put on your thinking cap and ask yourself the question: “If I were the kind of woman who I’d like to meet, where would I hang out?”

Then start going to these places on different days and at different times to find when the best opportunities are.

I have a good friend that used to go to airports when flights were arriving from different places, because some of the flights were more likely to have attractive women on them.

I know one guy that loves to go to bookstores to meet women.

I know a guy that likes to go to ‘Asian Dances’ to meet women (and he’s not Asian).

Here are a few good general places: Dance lessons, gyms, bookstores, coffee shops, supermarkets, healthy food restaurants, yogurt shops, and anything near salons and beauty supply stores.

If you start paying attention, you’ll find places where women are more likely to be.

As a side note, if you live in an out-of-the-way place, and you’d like to start meeting a lot of fantastically beautiful women, you might consider a move to a big city. I’ve found the difference between big cities like New York, Chicago, L.A., etc., and small towns is dramatic. Attractive women flock to the large cities because this is where the opportunity is for them. This is also where they’re more likely to meet a rich, famous, or successful man.

I’ve been to places in big cities that had more beautiful women in one restaurant than a person living in a small town might see all year.

So think about where you live and how it relates to meeting the kind of woman or women that you’re interested in finding.

I’ve also found that many women love the fantasy of ‘accidentally’ meeting a man somewhere normal, but unexpected. This is a common female fantasy.

Women like the idea of accidental romance.

And the best part of meeting a woman in a ‘normal’ place is the fact that there are usually minimal distractions and no one else competing for her attention.

So keep this in mind when you’re out looking for potential mates.