The Beginning of the End, Or the End of the Beginning

Once you’ve figured out how to attract women, you’re bound to find one who’s particularly interesting to you.

One that you might actually, um, love.

One that you might want to keep around for a bit. Hey, you might even meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Even though I’ve made most of this book about meeting women, I don’t feel that it would be complete without at least a few ideas on how to keep a woman attracted to you for the long haul.

But first of all, here’s my take on why relationships fail:

When you first start dating someone you really like, the body releases a combination of chemicals that are quite literally intoxicating. These chemicals cause you to want to be with that person all the time, stay up all night talking to them, and have sex with them three times a day.

How To Take The Next Step

OK, so we’re on the way home from coffee (because I said, “OK, let’s go…”) and we’re back at my house. Here’s one that I love… If it’s at night, look at your watch and

say, “Well, I have to get up early in the morning… but… OK, you can come in for a few minutes…”

This is perfect! You’re talking to her like she’s trying to convince you to let her in, and she hasn’t said anything! Nice. (Read it again if you didn’t pick up what I

said.)

Then I just walk in and let her follow. (By the way, again, I always open doors for women, walk on the outside of the curb, and pull chairs out, etc.) If you act chivalrous and bust her balls at the same time, you’ll be rewarded with good things from Santa.

So now we’re in the house… and I take her for a tour… and either sit down on my bed to talk to her or on the couch… wherever we kind of wind up. And I just kind of get a little quieter and let her talk while I look at her. I lean away from her and keep looking… sometimes looking away as if I’m thinking about something.

Then, I reach over and start stroking her hair while she’s talking. I stroke down at the bottom first. If she’s OK with this, I take it as a sign that she’s WAAYYYYY into me and is probably going to be wanting sex within 60 minutes (if you have any doubts, ask a woman if she’ll let a guy stroke her hair while she’s on his bed on the first

date if she’s not into him).

This is a big piece of the puzzle that I’ve figured out… I used to do all kinds of massages and other stuff, but I now use the simple hair stroke test. If they like their hair stroked, they are at VERY LEAST going to be making out with me in short order, period. I’ll occasionally do a hand massage here or a little neck massage, but next I pull her close to me and cuddle with her… and then land the killer.

I have personally always liked the way women smell… so when she’s laying next to me with my stroking her hair, I begin to smell her shoulders… just a little at first, and then more and more… while stroking her hair. Within about 5 or 10 minutes, I’m smelling her neck and ears…no kissing, and no groping at all. Never! I’m just smelling,

then leaning back and acting like I’m completely enjoying the smelling, and it’s relaxing me. Try this, my friends… if you can keep on smelling… she’ll get so turned on that you won’t believe it! At some point she’ll try to kiss me… which is what I’m waiting for. I will let her lips get close to mine… even touch just a teensy bit… and then I’ll back away and keep smelling. I might say, “Oh, you’re kind of forward” … love it. After a few of these, I’ll kiss her… and run my hands through her hair… the whole romantic kiss thing… then, again, I’ll stop. This kind of teasing and teasing is very stimulating to women. They love it.

I’m waiting for her to start doing something that is sexual... for instance grinding her hips on me... or grabbing my ass... whatever.

When I’m patient, the woman will usually do something that is subtly sexual FIRST. This is key, as she’s then the aggressor....

Then I do a little verbal move and say, “All you have to do is say PLEASE.”

I’m laughing as I write this... damn this is great.

So the first time, she’ll say, “No no no... I’m not going to beg you...” and I just say, “OK”...

Then I roll over or just lay back and look up... away from her. This usually makes the woman begin to wonder what the heck is going on and come over and start cuddling, kissing, etc. me again.

I keep on with the sensual kissing, breathing in her ears... all that good stuff... and when she gets worked up again and I hear her breathing getting faster, heart rate increasing, etc., I just say, “All you have to do is say PLEASE...”

OK, you get the idea... I keep doing this until she says, “OK OK, please... please...”

If you need help on what to do after this step, buy a copy of” How To Drive Your Woman Wild In Bed” by Graham Masterson and “Sexational Secrets” by Susan Bakos. Do it.

Two Ways Women Think About Men And How You Can Control

This I believe that women see men with whom they get involved as either ‘long-term relationship’ material or ‘sex’ material. You have to make the choice about which category you’d like to be in. By the way, if you get involved sexually, you can usually extend that for as long as you’d like.

If, on the other hand, you don’t get involved sexually but you still buy her dinner, call her all the time, and pursue her, there’s a good chance that you’ll NEVER get involved with her sexually.

Many, if not most guys, think that if they play the dating game that they’ll wind up ‘getting some’ eventually. This just isn’t so. I’ve met so many women who say, “Well, I have this guy that I let buy me things and take me out, and I have this other one that’s my sex toy.”

Now, admittedly this isn’t all women. But believe me when I tell you that if you get on the ‘friendship’ program, you’re very likely to stay there. And the friendship road is

paved with gifts and dinners.

Trust me. If you do too many things for her, you’re going to spend a lot of time and $$$ and most likely never wind up with anything to show for it other than a curious dry feeling just below your abdomen.

For the record, I really do like e-mail communication better than phone communication. I get probably 4 out of 5 women that I e-mail to write back, as opposed to maybe 1 out of 2 or 3 calls returned the first time.

I write and say, “Hey, it was nice meeting you last night… what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me.”

If they don’t answer that one, I write back a couple of days later with, “What, playing hard to get already? Nice. Talk to me.”

I get most of them e-mailing me back by this point.

When they do, I say, “What’s your # and when’s a good time to reach you?”

Now, here’s why I do this… Duh! When I e-mail them, for some reason they feel like we’re friends because we’ve e-mailed back and forth… don’t ask me to explain it… it’s taken me two and a half years to figure it out.

They also return your calls after you’ve e-mailed them a couple of times… again, don’t ask me why, some freaky chick thing.

OK… so now I’m on the phone with them (either because I’ve e-mailed them, or because I just got a number and called). I want to get together with them for about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person and decide if they’re someone who I’d like to know better.

I’ll tell them that I was about to go do something (to remind myself and let them know that I have a life) and then say, “Well, let’s see… what’s your schedule for the next few days? (I choose a time based on her reply…) Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great… if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat… but you know, coffee is a safe bet… this way, if you’re scary in person, I can say, “Oh, hey… um… I just remembered that I have to go floss my cat… it’s really important…” and then we can call it a night.”

This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking, “Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying me?” which is perfect.

Next, I tell them, “The coffee place is close to my house so why don’t you just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we can go… this way if you’re a few minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting.” (I got this idea from a friend of mine.)

Then I say, “Now, let me ask you this… what are the chances that you’re not going to show up tomorrow? <Let her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m always on time where I say I’m going to be, and I never have an excuse or don’t show up… so I just wanted to make sure… because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the right tone for flaking, as you can see.

***HERE COMES THE KILLER!

Next, when we’re getting ready to hang up, I say something like, “Great, it’s going to be nice to get to know you better. And if nothing else, we can just be FRIENDS.”

It’s taken me and a good friend of mine a long time to get this piece. From here on out, I constantly drop hints about just ‘being friends’ and how I really ‘like her as a friend’ and how ‘it’s nice to meet someone that I like as a friend’.

Trust me on this one… this messes them up soooooo hard that they literally don’t know what to do.

This is most likely the first time IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE that this has happened to them. It continually triggers their insecurity and makes them wonder why

they’re not attractive enough to you. It also disarms them completely. (You have to really possess the mindset that you are qualifying them and that they’re going to be your friend for this to work)

I personally like to use the friendship jargon because I have decided that it’s better to enter any new relationship in a ‘NOT NEEDY’ frame of mind. Talking about being friends reminds ME to pay more attention and to remember that I don’t need anything and to stay focused on learning.

10 Steps To A Guaranteed Great Date

Remember that YOU are qualifying HER to see if she is someone you want to spend more time with… and not the other way around. Too many dinners and gifts early on will lead you into ‘the friendship zone’. Impress her with YOURSELF instead. E-mail her first to build to build familiarity. Call her on the phone to set up the date after she e-mails you back. On the phone, joke that SHE might turn out to be weird. This subtlety lets her know that YOU are normal and fun. Have her meet you at your place so you don’t end up waiting around… and so she will be coming back to your place afterwards.  Use ‘The Flake Test’ – Ask her what the chances are that she won’t show to set the tone up front. Be the first to say “friends” – let her know that you are looking forward to making a friend if nothing else… this lets her know you have no expectations and aren’t needy or desperate. Mention this during the date! Show her that you aren’t overly interested by heading to the coffee shop quickly instead of lingering around at your place. At the coffee shop, RELAX and treat her like your best friend. Lean back, talk about INTERESTING topics like drama, violence, scandal, or comedy, and make cocky/funny jokes.  You can save the compliments for another time. If you want to spend more time with her, go someplace where the conversation is built-in, like a place with fun shops and things to do. Wander away from her a few times to communicate that you aren’t ‘needy’ or clingy.

Your 7-Step Guide To Getting Physical

When you get back to the house, say, “Well, I have to get up early in the morning...but...OK, you can come in for a few minutes...” Take her on a quick tour and then sit down on a bed or on the couch. Use ‘The Kiss Test’ – Start stroking the bottom of her hair while you are talking. If she enjoys it, she’s into you! Lean in and lightly smell her shoulders… then pull back… then do it again. Slowly work your way up to smelling her neck and ears. Keep building up tension… and finally give her a kiss… then pull back. Accuse HER of being “forward”. Wait for her to make the first sexually aggressive move… then say, “All you have to do is say please”. If she says, “No no no...”, just roll over and look up away from her, which will make her curious. Pull back again and wait for her to come to you. Turn up the heat with the sensual kissing, breathing in her ears, etc. until she gets more excited (i.e. breathing getting faster, heart race starts increasing, etc.)… then make her say “please” again!

Places To Go

I’ve learned that it’s more interesting to GO somewhere and DO something with a woman than it is to go on a ‘date’.

If you want to do more than just have coffee with a

woman, consider going somewhere fun to shop. I prefer funky, eclectic neighborhoods and shops. These are places full of wacky and fun items. It will give you an ongoing, changing set of things to talk about.

And the best part is that you don’t have to buy anything.

When you go to these types of places, you can just have fun and talk. Make sure you wander away from her a few times while you’re out. This keeps the ‘I’m not

needy’ thing going on.

Remember, you don’t have to spend money to have fun.

The First Date Is NOT An Interview

I have had so many readers write and ask me, “How should I act on the first date? What should we talk about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?”, that I

felt I should address these points a bit further.

The first thing to remember when you’re meeting up with a girl for ‘a date’ is that it’s NOT an INTERVIEW. You’re not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don’t act like it.

It’s so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a couple that’s obviously out on their first date... and the guy has no idea what to do. It sounds

something like this:

“So, did you grow up around here?”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?”

Painful. Why is it that people tend to act like they’re on job interviews when they go out on dates? It’s such a not-right thing to do. I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING, PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.

And why is this? Good question. And I’m glad you asked.

First, let’s talk about WHY most guys allow the conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics... Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of ‘I don’t want to screw this up’. In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.

They try to present themselves as ‘nice guys’ who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.

Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner). I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.

WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION. Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humour, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy conversation.

So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of BOREDOM, you’re going to have to learn a new way. You’re going to have to learn to talk about something else.

The trick to not talking about the ‘usual’ things is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.

Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in general? Right – drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of the parties involved. Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:

“So what’s with The Osbournes being MTV’s #1 show of all time? I guess people just can’t get enough of dysfunctional family life... they have to watch it on TV too.”

“I’m so bummed that Justin broke up with Britney. They were so damn cute together. I was hoping that they’d have a daughter with fake blonde hair and breast implants at birth.”

“Have you tuned into this ‘Cheaters’ TV show? Don’t you just love it when they come storming into someone’s house and catch the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?”

These topics will light up a conversation like nobody’s business. And they create all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes and

neurotic behaviour of others. The trick is that you must remember you’re not there to impress her, and you’re not on a job interview. The more you act nervous, stilted, and

uncomfortable... like you’re trying to impress her and get her approval... and like you don’t want to say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to trigger that all-important ATTRACTION inside of her.

And here’s a real twist on this theme: If SHE starts asking the ‘normal’ questions about school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say, “What, is this a job interview?” or “Can’t you think of something interesting to talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation. Let’s save that until we’re picking names for our kids.”

Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:

1)  History. Women love to hear stories about the history of places. If you’re in an interesting part of town, tell her the story of how the area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if the story involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.

2)  Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless. Try learning a little about fashion, so this way you can make fun of it while acting like you know what you’re talking about. “Didn’t Madonna really screw up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?”

3)  Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your wild perspective on others. “You know, I’ve been trying to figure out why so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio.” This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be INTERESTING. The old-fashioned act-like-you’re-on-a-job interview rap just doesn’t cut it. Now, for some guys, the ideas that I’ve just talked about will make sense but won’t come naturally. That’s OK. You may have to work on this for awhile, especially if you’ve spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing. Old Proverb: “No matter how far down the wrong road you’ve gone, TURN BACK.”

So remember, attraction isn’t a choice. And attraction doesn’t make logical sense. If you want to create that magical “chemistry”, then you’re going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.

When You Meet

When they arrive at your place, say ‘hi’ and invite them in for a minute while you get your coat or shoes. Then walk out and seem like YOU’RE IN A HURRY TO

LEAVE. Most guys would try to get them to stay and get

cozy with them. You want them to think that you’re not

overly interested and that you want some coffee.

Total indifference.

At coffee, just sit and be the funny and cocky self, make jokes, and in general lean back and make ‘friends’.

I used to analyze handwriting, do palmistry, do hand massages, and touch women when I first meet them. Not anymore (I save these things for later).

Also, I used to be more ‘touchy feely’ with women at the very beginning. As I mentioned, I’d massage their hands and touch them a lot, etc. leading to kissing, etc.

early on.

I’ve now learned that if I lean back and almost don’t touch them at all on purpose, it creates this tension so that when I do actually touch them, they respond powerfully. In communication they call this ‘Building Response Potential’.

Sometimes I’ll massage hands or touch, but I don’t overdo it.

I’m just sitting there ACTING LIKE WE’RE BEST FRIENDS. When you act like they’re a best friend, they will rapidly get comfortable with you. I make fun of people, whatever. I just totally lean back and relax. I’m cool, relaxed, and constantly making comments about how we’re going to be friends, etc.

I’ve learned never to compliment a hot woman on her looks, period. I still mess up and forget, and I’m always reminded why I don’t do it. I try to find one thing that she’s insecure about and talk to her about it like ‘a friend’… not overly critical, but not saying, ‘No, you shouldn’t be insecure’… I just keep bringing it up and even make jokes about it.