Your Enemies Are Insecurity and Neediness

Insecurity and neediness are two of the biggest obstacles to success with women. Insecurity and neediness are like hemlock and arsenic – either will kill your attractiveness when dealing with women.

A man is needy when he craves attention or recognition. He shows that he’s insecure when he ACTS on these needs.

Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in a given situation. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence which is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval.

Women detect insecurity and neediness INSTANTLY.

Here are some examples of insecurity and neediness to avoid:

Hanging on a woman. Don’t touch a woman or crowd her too much in the beginning. Women take it as a sign of neediness and insecurity. Instead, lean back and let her become comfortable being around you. Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk too much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure. Having emotional responses to things. If it’s obvious to a woman that you easily get upset about things, then she will judge you to be insecure. Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what’s going to happen and then do it. If you are always asking, “Well, what do you think I should do?”, “Where do you want to go tonight?”, and “What do you want?”, you’ll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she’ll let you know. Saying or doing things just to be noticed or to get compliments. I’ve known a lot of men who try to act cool or show off to get attention. This approach telegraphs to a woman that you’re insecure and needy. Don’t do it. If you’re cool, she’ll figure it out without you telling her. Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you’re one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you’re insecure and needy. You may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it. If you really want to argue with something, do it in a funny way and not in a serious way.

What Outcome Are You Looking For?

Most men that I talk to about this topic really can’t explain the EXACT outcome that they’re looking for.

So let me ask you...

Are you looking for a one night stand?

Are you looking for a girlfriend?

Are you looking for a wife?

Are you looking to get this part of my life called ‘confidence with women’ handled?

What is it that you’d like to do?

Once you choose an outcome for yourself, you can apply what you’re learning to that outcome. If you have no outcome, then you’re going to be like a ship in the ocean with no particular port as your destination. With no target, there is a very small chance that you’ll ever be successful.

Take a moment and write down your goal as it relates to women. Then think about that goal as you read the rest of this book.

The idea here is to give yourself a framework to work within and one to plan around. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

Voice Tone

Voice tone is VERY important.

If you want to be more successful with women, work on developing a deep, resonant, musical, articulate voice tone.

And I don’t care if you have the whiniest, highest pitched voice anyone’s ever heard.

You can improve it if you try.

First of all, practice talking slower and deeper.

You should be able to feel your voice resonating in your chest when you talk.

Keep practicing until you can.

I highly recommend that you go out and buy the audio series “The Sound Of Your Voice” by Carol Flemming.

Also, get on eBay or Amazon.com and look for some voice training tapes.

They’re well worth the investment and practice. Women find a sexy voice irresistible. This is a big one, so get to work on it.

Fear

If you need to get ‘fear’ handled, read the book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. This is an AWESOME book on getting fear handled.

On Persistence:

A common theme I hear:

“NO

No

No

No

No

NO

NOOO

Noooo

Make love to me right now!”

Persistence is key. Never give up… if a woman says, “We’re not going to have sex tonight”, I immediately think to myself, “Ohhh, she just let me know that she’s feeling some temptation and wants to get the responsibility off herself… this is going to be fun and easy.”

Trust me on this one.

Their words are usually hollow and meaningless… watch their BEHAVIOUR…

***Now, DON’T take this to mean that if a woman says, “STOP” when you’re touching her that she wants you to rape her… this kind of dumb-ass thinking will result in jail time and your getting a large new boyfriend named Otis.***

Just realize that a “No” said with longing in her eyes or passion in her kiss usually means, “Get me more turned on by kissing my neck, caressing me, smelling me,  and saying romantic and sexy things.”

I’ve realized that women shift gears all the time and next time you talk to her she might be in a completely different mood, etc. so if you really want her, don’t give up the first time something weird happens.

It’s A Game To Them

Women often view men picking up on them as a sort of game. They talk about it with each other, they have standard lines that they learn when you ask for their number such as, “Why don’t you give me YOUR number instead and I can call you...?” and so on.

I know that some, maybe even most women go out on weekends with the mindset of “I’m never going to meet Mr. Right at a club, but it boosts my ego to have men paying attention to me by the dozens, and I like to have free drinks... and I love to dance with my girlfriends and be a tease... and I love the power of shooting men down while pretending to be annoyed by it... etc.”

More On My Way Of Looking At Things

I don’t ask women for permission to do things, and I don’t look to them to lead what’s going to happen next. I used to kind of watch what they were doing and take cues

on how to act. Now I do and say what I want and look for cues from her so I know when to bust her balls.

I spent a long time learning how to get phone numbers from women only to realize that this wasn’t the same as success. Then, I learned how to get women to come over to my house only to realize that this wasn’t the same as success. I finally realized that I have to lead the way the entire time – just like in ballroom dancing. I have to know where we’re going and lead the way the entire time.

But my most important realization is that THIS IS MY REALITY, AND SHE IS A GUEST – not the other way around. If a woman tries to play a game with me, put me

off, give me an excuse, etc. I start laughing out loud at her. At first, she doesn’t know what’s going on... but then I say something like, “Cummon... what, are you kidding?

Give me a break.”

This tells them that even their little ploys aren’t going to get by my radar – never mind into my reality. I never get upset at them or let them get to me emotionally (this is key, because if they sense that they’ve found a button, they’ll use it over and over again). As my friend Eric once said, “YOU’RE IN MY REALITY NOW.”

Let me point out that when I’m meeting women, I’m almost NEVER thinking about a ‘long-term relationship’ with them in the beginning. If I like them and later they prove to be someone that really amazes me, then this will be a possibility.

My guess is that strong, exceptional, interesting men who are in control of themselves and their realities are as rare for women as super hot women are rare for men. See where I’m going? Said in a different way, “Why do so many men settle for average or worse looking women?”

I think the logic goes both ways. I mean, I know quite a few ass-kicking men – but this is because I’ve literally spent years finding and making friends with them. Most women aren’t lucky enough to run across one. And when they do, they usually mess it up by being a bitch or uninteresting. So they just settle for whatever the best option is at the moment. And they often wind up getting comfortable in the process.

There’s another interesting point that I’ve noticed lately:

Many of the marriages that I know of that have lasted for many years (10+) have something in common: a woman that subtly controls the man. I mean, think about the plot of most romance novels: Woman meets wild man, woman tames man and lives happily ever after with her new well-behaved BOY.

So keep this in mind when you’re interacting with women.

***Because I may be coming off a bit harshly here, I want to mention something. If you could be in the room with me during my interactions with a new woman that I find interesting, you’d most likely be thinking, “This guy is funny as hell... but he’s really pushing it. I mean, he’s on the borderline of saying something that’s just too damn arrogant. But wow, the woman just seems to get more and more into him as this goes on... interesting.” You would NOT be thinking, “Wow, this guy seems to me like a womanizer who’s mean to women.”

I say this so that you understand that all of the techniques that I employ are part of the all-important ‘Character’ that I discussed earlier.

By staying cocky and funny, women will laugh their asses off, get frustrated that you’re not playing to them, and finally crack and show that they like you.

If you’re just a plain old run of the mill jerk, then none of this will work. The ‘assholes’ who get laid usually have an angle (money, fame, whatever) that they mix

with the assholeness.

Mean, self-centered people with no social attractiveness are usually out of luck.

So keep in mind the all-important ingredient: Humour.

NOTHING works for me like humour mixed with arrogance.

I also want to mention once again that I’m very flexible and in many situations, I will begin to do very sweet and thoughtful things for a woman – just on my terms.

And when it comes to sex (***big key here***) I always pay attention and learn what a woman likes. My goal is to be the most fulfilling lover that she’s had. Mix all this up with some special sauce, and you have the recipe for hot women who love to have sex with you and love you as a person as well because you’re interesting to

them.

Remember, women are not linear, logical creatures. If you do things that make sense, they will do things that don’t make any sense at all.

If you do things that don’t make any sense at all, then women will often do what you want them to do.

It’s just that you have to know exactly WHICH things to do that don’t make sense.

Make sense?

How To Meet Women

OK, now let’s talk about the nuts and bolts of how to meet women.

Guys are constantly trying to find new ‘angles’ and ‘lines’ so that it can ‘appear natural’ when they talk to a woman. I mean, hell... most women’s fantasy is to meet a guy in a charming place and have this whole unplanned romantic thing happen right out of a movie (irony: unplanned and right out of a movie).

I really think that instead of trying to mask a pick-up, just make it damn good. If you can just be in the ‘more interesting’ category, you’ll get her attention, which is a major step. Then you can lean into the cocky and funny routine and take it from there.

Don’t try to hide the fact that you’re picking a woman up — be great at it, then get into cocky and funny (and reframe as them picking you up! Ha).

Meeting Women At Dance Lessons

Another good place to meet tons of single women is at dance lessons. I know, I know…sounds kind of fruity. But dance classes are LOADED with single women who LOVE GUYS WHO CAN DANCE. Heck, they even love guys who want to LEARN to dance.

Here’s the breakdown:

Most rudimentary dance lessons are set up in the same format. You have limited dance time with numerous partners. This is perfect.

Here are a few ideas for being cocky/funny on the ballroom dance floor...

“Hi, I’ll be your host for the next three minutes. If you can dance well, have a nice personality, and don’t step on my feet more than forty-seven times, I’ll let you be my

friend.”

“OK, impress me.”

“I just want you to know, I don’t think any less of you just because you’re so bad at ballroom dancing that you need lessons.”...

just take out a piece of paper and spend 5 minutes on this one. You’ll be set for life.

Personality Traits That Attract Women

In the next chapter, I’m going to describe MY particular unique personality and the ‘character’ that I become when I’m meeting women.

But before I do that, I’d like to talk about some of the different personality traits that women find most attractive. Some are better when used with others, and some don’t work well together. Here is the list with brief descriptions. I’ll talk more about combining these later.

Funny. Humour is just plain powerful with women. If you can keep her laughing, you will go far. Intelligent and Creative. Intelligence is sexy IF it’s used in a way that’s interesting to her. Use your creativity and intelligence to surprise her with ideas, fantasies, and unexpected things that charm her. Educated. Education is attractive to women as long as it’s used in an interesting way. Some women are actually intimidated by education, which usually works in your favor. Classy and Cultured. If you have class, women pick up on it. Do your shoes and belt match? Do you understand interior design and color contrast? Do you know about different types of wine? Do you like foreign movies? Do you understand fashion? Do you like Frank Sinatra? Do you enjoy exotic foods? Do you serve her Hors d’oeuvres and a glass of wine when she visits? Do you open all doors for her? Women notice this stuff BIG TIME. Dominant. Women have an unconscious attraction to dominant men. The dominant males in some primate groups account for up to 75% of all the matings, while the less dominant males go without any. Same goes for humans. Thoughtful. Women don’t just like gifts; they like knowing that you were THINKING of them. The gift is a SYMBOL. Women feel the same amount of good inside whether it’s a card or a diamond (of course, the diamond lasts longer, so there are more ‘times of feeling good’!). But the fact is that women like to know that you’re thinking about them. Even if you’re telling a woman that you don’t like it that she was out with another guy, she’ll like it because it means you were thinking about her! Notices Significant Details. Women don’t just notice details; they USE them to try to be attractive and attentive. If she is wearing a sexy outfit, she didn’t put it on by accident. If her hair is done nicely, it wasn’t a fluke. Women are very impressed and attracted to men who notice these details. Unpredictable/Predictable. Here’s a paradox. Women are drawn to men who they can’t control or predict. They obsess over guys who flirt, give them attention, and then don’t call the next day. Predictability is only attractive when it comes to choosing a HUSBAND. Then a woman usually wants a man who’s VERY predictable. Enthusiastic, Fun, Happy. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a killjoy. Some men get upset and pout when a woman is happy and try to put down the things that she enjoys to sound superior, which is usually a HUGE mistake. Enthusiasm is infectious and attractive. Adventurous. Women are instantly attracted to men who like to do extreme, adventurous, unusual, and even dangerous things. It’s exciting. Adventurism is sexy. Aggressive. Women love men that know what they want and go after it. Passion is a sign of life. I’m not talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into date rape. I’m talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into setting a goal and then going after it with passion and getting it no matter what. Confident/Cocky. Women are magnetically attracted to men who are just a little bit too cocky. Just a little bit. This is a tough one to explain. Many men take this to mean ‘overly arrogant’, which is not what I mean. If you watch Pierce Brosnan in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’, Clarke Gable in ‘Gone With The Wind’, or Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun’, you’ll get an idea of what I’m talking about. The confident/cocky trait is mild overconfidence combined with humour. Drives women wild. Expertise. If you’re an expert in an area that is interesting to your kind of woman, this can be attractive. It needs to be presented from a “I know a lot about this, let me show you” perspective and not a “I’m cool and you’re not” angle. Attention. Women like attention. And interestingly enough, it’s better to hint at the attention that you’re giving them than to be too overt about it. If you say, “I was thinking about you earlier today, and I just wanted to mention that I really like the sound of your voice...” it’s much more powerful than listening to them complain about something so they think you’re paying attention. Get it? Disinterest, Indifference, a Challenge. Most women are used to being pursued by men in one way or another. If you are indifferent to a woman, make her think that you’re only calling because you’re bored and act almost disinterested sexually, they’ll often do their very best to get your attention. Different is good in this case. Again, this drives most women crazy, and even though they’d hate to admit it, it’s ultra interesting to them.   Charm (attention with a polished, smooth approach). This is hard to describe. Watch a James Bond movie to get an idea. And watch ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’. Pay attention to Michael Caine’s character. Charm is powerful because it has a certain ‘prince on a white horse’ aspect to it. Romantic Imagination and Perspective. Watch the movie ‘Don Juan DeMarco’ and listen to how Don Juan interprets the world. Instead of just looking at the surface of a woman, he looks within her to find the beautiful part. A romantic imagination sees opportunities for poetic comments, interesting stories, fascinating history, and emotional interpretation in everything. Expert in Body Language. This is important, as women are constantly sending signals. I’ll talk more about this in a later chapter. Sexual Mastery. Women love sex just as much as men do. But just like everything else in life, a great lover is not easy to find. Women become instantly addicted to skillful lovers who know how to make them feel ecstasy and teach them new ways of feeling incredible.

Every woman is slightly different. There is no one magic system to which every woman responds. If what you’re doing doesn’t work, don’t throw out the system...

try it on a different woman.

The most successful men I know will tell you that they are only successful because they are able to accept ‘no’ and not take it personally. Again, unsuccessful men take a ‘rejection’ as a personal assault on their inner child. Don’t make this mistake.

So start right now. Take a moment and describe the type of woman you’d like to attract and write down the qualities that you think will attract her. Then go to work cultivating these qualities.

The idea is to create your own winning combination and then find a place to use it that offers the best chances for success. You want to come across as interesting, unique, original, and desirable.

By the way, if you don’t know what the women who you’re interested in are attracted to, ASK! That’s right, just walk up to them whenever you see one and say, “Can I ask you a question? I’m sure that you’re probably in a relationship right now, but will you tell me something... I want to know what it is that attracts a woman like you to a man. What do you look for?”

You’ll find that most of the women you pose this question to will be glad to tell you. As a matter of fact, you’ll even find that some will help you in other ways if you ask. They’ll go shopping with you, help you decorate your house, help you choose a hairstyle... everything.

But most guys are afraid to ask, or they feel like a puss because they are asking a woman for help. Do yourself a favor. If you are having trouble, get help. Women are amazingly generous when they are helping a man get his ‘attractiveness’ together.

The Dark Side Of Beauty

Underneath all of the beauty, most of these powerful women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.

This dark side is secretly wanting a man who is in control of himself, his reality, and them.

But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.  But their unconscious knows and recognizes this desire as something that they want. They also hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want, as is evidenced by the “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things and “He’s my ‘Boytoy’ kind of comments that women often make to their girlfriends.

On the topic of men giving gifts to women and buying them things: Many women will take what is available to them (even if they have to do a little manipulation for it), but they will ultimately resent and disrespect a man who gives too much to them.

As a matter of fact, to most hot women, THEIR REALITY is that men kiss up to them and give them what they ask for or demand (worst case, they have to get upset or act bitchy to get their way). AGAIN, THIS IS THEIR REALITY. Men who don’t fit this mold are often just tuned out as if they didn’t exist in order to keep this reality as pure as possible for them.

(Also, I think that many women harbor contempt for their beauty. At a shadow level, they are kept from living a real life and being closer to the real world simply because fewer and fewer people can relate to them in proportion to how ‘beautiful’ they are and make themselves. Addressing this topic when speaking to women is VERY powerful. More later.)

Men are often behaving like ass kissers because they are afraid that a woman might get upset and leave. The fact is that by acting this way, a woman is MORE likely to leave. It’s one of those paradoxes that’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. If a woman whines, a man might begin to think, “Oh, no... I need to kiss her ass or she might leave. Even though she’s being ridiculous, I have to go along with it...”

This is bad for her, for you, and for the relationship between you. Learn to never let a woman act like a Bratwithout you calling her on it (AND IN A COOL, ALMOST

INDIFFERENT WAY!)

This is very counter-intuitive, but again, we’re dealing with female human behaviour, which has roots and drives that are complex and often difficult to trace.

The solution is to NOT kiss ass or do things for them like everyone else. Be different. Expect them to pull their own weight, call them on all of their issues and messed-up behaviours just like you would a guy friend or family member (Use the same “you’re my friend and I’m saying this for your benefit” tone that you’d use with a friend), tease and make fun of their insecurities in a playful way, reframe other men who kiss their ass, and put beauty in a new light (as a curse, etc., how she can never have anyone see her for who she truly is, how every man she knows would sleep with her in a minute, and how it often leads to less inner fulfillment).

The fact is that women will sleep with rich men who kiss their asses and model-handsome guys who don’t treat them well to satisfy their PHYSICAL drives.

But overall, an average looking man who takes good care of himself and makes enough money to live comfortably who is cocky, direct, challenging, confident, funny, and in control - one who challenges her constantly and never kisses her ass EVER - will be FAR more fulfilling to a beautiful woman than the other types.

This difference is not only interesting to her, but it’s also challenging as well (something she doesn’t experience often). A man who does such will not only be able to win her body, but also her interest and fascination. It will also keep her messed up behaviours more in check while allowing you to stay more in control of the situation.

***Note: If any of this stuff sounds too far out for you, I recommend that you go out to a mall and find yourself a few really beautiful women. Then ask them to read the last few pages of this book and to tell you the accuracy of this material. If you’re a doubter, you won’t believe the responses you’ll get. I’ve asked many beautiful women about these ideas and almost EVERY ONE OF THEM has told me that this line of thinking is accurate.

You’ll also notice out in the real world that some fortunate men have the looks, fame, personality, or whatever that causes women to act naturally open and receptive to them.

If you’re one of these men, then congrats to you!

If you’re not one of these men (I’m not, so I understand what it’s like) then you have to LEARN how to get inside of a woman’s mind and heart and CAUSE her to start acting this way toward you. It may take a few minutes of conversation, or even up to an hour or so... but if you learn the skills that I’m going to teach you, you can learn how to cause women to act this way toward you, too.

Remember, attraction has different roads that lead to it. Some are easy shortcuts, but some take a little longer, present more challenges, and require more skill. But there is a structure to the process and if you learn that structure, you will be more successful.

The First Date Is NOT An Interview

I have had so many readers write and ask me, “How should I act on the first date? What should we talk about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?”, that I

felt I should address these points a bit further.

The first thing to remember when you’re meeting up with a girl for ‘a date’ is that it’s NOT an INTERVIEW. You’re not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don’t act like it.

It’s so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a couple that’s obviously out on their first date... and the guy has no idea what to do. It sounds

something like this:

“So, did you grow up around here?”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?”

Painful. Why is it that people tend to act like they’re on job interviews when they go out on dates? It’s such a not-right thing to do. I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING, PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.

And why is this? Good question. And I’m glad you asked.

First, let’s talk about WHY most guys allow the conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics... Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of ‘I don’t want to screw this up’. In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.

They try to present themselves as ‘nice guys’ who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.

Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner). I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.

WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION. Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humour, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy conversation.

So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of BOREDOM, you’re going to have to learn a new way. You’re going to have to learn to talk about something else.

The trick to not talking about the ‘usual’ things is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.

Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in general? Right – drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of the parties involved. Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:

“So what’s with The Osbournes being MTV’s #1 show of all time? I guess people just can’t get enough of dysfunctional family life... they have to watch it on TV too.”

“I’m so bummed that Justin broke up with Britney. They were so damn cute together. I was hoping that they’d have a daughter with fake blonde hair and breast implants at birth.”

“Have you tuned into this ‘Cheaters’ TV show? Don’t you just love it when they come storming into someone’s house and catch the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?”

These topics will light up a conversation like nobody’s business. And they create all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes and

neurotic behaviour of others. The trick is that you must remember you’re not there to impress her, and you’re not on a job interview. The more you act nervous, stilted, and

uncomfortable... like you’re trying to impress her and get her approval... and like you don’t want to say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to trigger that all-important ATTRACTION inside of her.

And here’s a real twist on this theme: If SHE starts asking the ‘normal’ questions about school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say, “What, is this a job interview?” or “Can’t you think of something interesting to talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation. Let’s save that until we’re picking names for our kids.”

Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:

1)  History. Women love to hear stories about the history of places. If you’re in an interesting part of town, tell her the story of how the area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if the story involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.

2)  Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless. Try learning a little about fashion, so this way you can make fun of it while acting like you know what you’re talking about. “Didn’t Madonna really screw up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?”

3)  Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your wild perspective on others. “You know, I’ve been trying to figure out why so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio.” This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be INTERESTING. The old-fashioned act-like-you’re-on-a-job interview rap just doesn’t cut it. Now, for some guys, the ideas that I’ve just talked about will make sense but won’t come naturally. That’s OK. You may have to work on this for awhile, especially if you’ve spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing. Old Proverb: “No matter how far down the wrong road you’ve gone, TURN BACK.”

So remember, attraction isn’t a choice. And attraction doesn’t make logical sense. If you want to create that magical “chemistry”, then you’re going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.

It All Comes Down To Your Skills

Having a problem? You need a new skill.

If you have some area of your life that isn’t working for you, you probably need a new SKILL.

I realized a few years ago that most people look at themselves and say things like, “There must be something WRONG WITH ME. I don’t know why. I just can’t do it.”

But, in fact, the problem wasn’t something ‘wrong’ with them; the problem was that they needed to learn a new skill or a set of skills.

Meeting women comes down to SKILLS. If you’re having a problem in a particular area, get new skills to deal with it. For instance, if you have learned to meet women and get phone numbers, you might start having them flake out on you and not show up for planned meetings. Solution: A new skill. You need to learn the skill of getting women to meet you after making plans.

There are many parts to being successful with women, and they all work together. You may already know some of them, you might learn a few more from this book, but if you’re missing a key (like how and when to kiss a woman, for instance) you’ll still keep running into challenges.

Remember, if you’re having a challenge, you need a skill. So remind yourself of this idea, come back to this book to get the information, and then practice until you have the SKILL!

I began by creating self-image exercises based on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Timeline Therapy, and doing them all the time. (Read “Frogs Into Princes” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder and “The Secret of Creating Your Future” by Tad James for more info.)

Here’s one exercise that’s helped me tremendously:

First, I close my eyes and imagine a picture of the person that I want to become. I imagine how I’ll be dressed, the expression on my face, how I’m standing... all the details. Then, I throw that picture up into the air and have it start raining copies of it all around me for as far as I can see... into my past and future... all around me. Exercises like these sometimes sound silly, but they help direct your mind towards the person that you want to become.

One area that I’ve studies extensively is what’s commonly called ‘internal dialogue’ or ‘self-talk’. This is simply the way that you talk to yourself inside your head.

Most people are talking to themselves all day long. But most people are talking NEGATIVELY to themselves instead of talking POSITIVELY. Negative self-talk is, in my opinion, one of the primary causes of low self-esteem, giving up, and a lack of interest in even trying.

If you tell yourself something enough times, you’ll begin to BELIEVE it. This new belief will take on a mind of its own and start creating its own self-talk.

Most people who have negative beliefs also have negative self-talk that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is you, STOP RIGHT NOW.

I may be the first person that’s ever pointed this out to you, so it might sound a little strange. Or, I might be reminding you of something you already know. In any event, make a commitment to yourself to start talking positively to yourself and to be encouraging from now on. Put it on your calendar. Send yourself e-mails. Do whatever you have to do so you remember to be nice to yourself when you talk to yourself.

If you’re one of those people that likes being negative, arguing with everything, finding why things can never work for you, and why everyone is wrong, then do me and yourself a favor and delete this book from your hard drive and e-mail me to ask for a refund. You’ve made a choice to be negative with yourself, and I’m not even interested in helping you see a better way. People who have made the choice to be negative about everything are usually playing out a drama that’s beyond what I’m interested in addressing and probably beyond the power of this book to change.

If, on the other hand, you are one of the people who is willing to give new things a try and agree to begin saying things like, “I can do something if I choose to” and “I can change if I really want to”, then I think you will be successful.

The key here is to begin taking a positive mindset and talking to yourself in a positive way.

Here’s an exercise for you to do: Take out a piece of paper and  write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, all the negative things you say to

yourself, and all the areas where a ‘positive’ outlook would help you. Then, start writing down positive things you can say to yourself instead and begin saying them.

Keep working on this exercise until you stop saying negative things to yourself. This could take you years like it did for me. But it’s worth it, so trust me. This one process will improve all areas of your life, so use it everywhere.

It’s also important to make mental pictures and rehearse the success that you’d like to have. As you’re going to sleep, create mental movies of yourself being successful in different kinds of situations and with different types of women. Mental rehearsal is the next best thing to actually doing something, so do it as often as you can.

If you make a mental movie of the ideal you doing the things that I’m going to teach you and review in your mind every day, you will see improvement and results. If you don’t do this part, you’ll be wondering why you can’t seem to get it right when the opportunity comes along.