After many years of studying, researching, and trying many different things, I’ve now realized that there is a conspiracy against men being successful with women.
It’s very real, and it’s very pervasive in our culture.
Let me explain.
Most men that I know have some kind of ‘feeling’ that it’s wrong in some way to sleep with more than one woman at a time. (I’m not even referring to a Ménage à Trois, either. I’m talking about plain old run-of-the-mill dating a couple of women at a time here.)
But most women that I know have more than just a ‘feeling’ about this idea. Most women are outspoken and very forward about the idea that it’s WRONG for most men to date and sleep with more than one woman.
You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices when they talk about this topic.
If you know what I’m talking about, give me a silent nod here.
What I’ve discovered by doing my homework is that the moral idea of monogamy (having only one partner at a time) has been formalized, passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions, and women for thousands of years.
I don’t mean to get too far out here, but I feel that understanding from where these beliefs came and how they are promoted will liberate many readers.
Onward.
Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years ago, rulers of lands kept large harems of women. These harems were guarded carefully to prevent any males except the rulers from having access to these women. The penalty for sleeping with one of the ruler’s women could be, in an extreme case, your own death and the deaths of everyone in your family and village. (Back then there were bigger risks involved!)
These rulers kept so many women not just for the sexual variety that it provided them, but also for the reproductive power that it gave them. These rulers often had detailed records kept so they could copulate with only the most fertile women and maximize the woman’s chances of pregnancy and passing on their own genes.
So what do you think these rulers did to protect their harems?
Right! They passed laws (from which they were exempt) to promote monogamy.
In these times there was a great shortage of women, so these laws would discourage married men (those lucky enough to find a woman) from seeking sex outside of their marriage and therefore further protect the ruler’s harem.
Next, we have the church.
Many religions prohibit sex, make sex ‘wrong’, give it some name with a negative connotation like ‘fornication’, or in one way or another discourage it.
I once heard a wise man say, “Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and procreate and makes it wrong.” Why? Well, if you’re
busy fighting your internal drives, and you see God as the only way to cleanse yourself of these ‘bad’ thoughts, then you are a much better SHEEP.
If you want to get people to follow you, first confuse them, then convince them that you know the way to get them out of their confused state. Easy.
Finally, we have women. This is the interesting one.
If you look at it from an ‘economic’ standpoint, it doesn’t benefit women at all to have their man running around having sex with other women. She can only be pregnant with one child at a time, and she can only raise a limited number at a time. So having a man who’s out spreading his seed is BAD BAD BAD for business for her.
When you’re out spreading seed, you can’t be working or at home helping. Even worse, you might have other kids with other women who will further divide your attention and income. (By the way, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with women’s perspectives. I’m just saying that if you look at it from their point of view, there’s not a lot of benefit to having a man who likes to sleep with a lot of women.)
So anything that promotes monogamy like religion is seen as ‘right’ to many women, as it goes along with what they think and feel.
Now let’s talk about men.
My research leads me to believe that men are ‘naturally’ inclined to have one main woman to whom they are devoted, but that they like to sleep with other
women as the opportunity arises. You can believe what you want, but do yourself a favour and read Matt Ridley’s book, The Red Queen, before you start speculating.
Think about it. There are major advantages to men (or at least to their genes) to sleep with many women.
First, it doesn’t take a lot of energy, and there’s not very much risk involved. (I realize that there is risk of disease, etc., but for the moment think about the fact that a man could probably father dozens of children before a disease would take him out, making the tradeoff, genetically speaking, a no-brainer.)
I personally believe that men are hard-wired to look for sexual opportunities and seek out sexual variety. (Let me also add that just because you’re hard-wired to like sweet foods doesn’t mean that you should only eat sweet foods. This will lead you to sickness and eventually to disease and death.)
With this in mind, I’d like you to ask yourself:
What are my beliefs about monogamy?
Where did they come from?
Do I like my beliefs?
Do my beliefs conflict with my inner drives?
Would I like to change what I believe based on this new information?
In any event, from now forward, don’t let anyone or anything make you feel bad because of your NATURAL desires and attraction to women. (I’m of course talking about reasonable desires and attractions. If you like to think about hurting women, underage women, etc., then do yourself a favor and get some help.)
But if you’re like me and you were given a set of ideas about women that you are now realizing to be less than useful, then move on and start thinking about the
subject differently.
My perspective is that sleeping with different women breaks no ‘law of the universe’, and it’s not an ethical dilemma for me. Any objections that are in existence were created mostly to control and not to liberate. My perspective is also that it’s important to be honest with people about your views. And yes, this means talking to women about them. In my life, I’ve mostly had long-term girlfriends. And if I tell a woman that I’m going to be faithful, then I am.
But if I’m single, then I see nothing wrong with dating as many women as I want. (Keep in mind that there are some crazy viruses, diseases, and other scary bugs that want to jump on your wiener. So use good judgment.)
I’ve found that if you explain this topic like I just have to a woman, you’ll often show her a perspective that she’s never even considered. My experience is that women actually LOVE to hear a man talking this way. It’s refreshing to women to hear a man being open about this controversial topic rather than hiding his ideas. It’s important to remember what I said above: “It’s OK To Be A Man.”
If you are who you are and make no apologies for yourself, you will be taken seriously. But if you approach the topic cautiously and act like you’re trying to see if she’s OK with your views, you’ll be seen as weak and insecure.
I’ve found that most women will accept you as you are. But if you try to act like someone that you’re not and you’re found out, you will be treated with disrespect and ex-communicated.