"Because when pain has been intertwined with love and closeness, it's very difficult to believe that love and closeness can be experienced without pain." -Gloria Steinem, "Revolution from Within."

If you tend to attract men who disappoint you (by cheating on you, not showing up when they say they will, or just refusing to get off the couch), you may be confusing love with pain.

So many of us have been brought up to believe that pain is normal, even expected, in a love relationship. Without it, the relationship seems flat, boring. We crave drama. (Why is it that so many women have great sex after a fight with a significant other?)

A happy, loving relationship eludes us because we don't recognize it when we see it, or because we simply believe it's not possible (News Flash: all men lie. All of them! I wasn't aware that men have a monopoly on lying or other bad behavior. I know some women who are breathtaking liars. Don't you?).

According to the media, men are incapable of remembering birthdays, being monogamous, getting through a weekend unless they're transfixed before a marathon of football games. Women internalize these messages: That's the way men are. That's the way life is. Get over it.

And while the media is happy to sell us the myth of the unattainable happy relationship, some of us have come to believe in it because of our own experiences.

Some of us:

(a) Had parents who treated each other indifferently, (b) had parents who outright hated each other, (c) had fathers who ignored us as children, (d) had a parent who suffered from alcoholism, (e) had mothers who would rather have been doing something else, or (f) had a parent who suffered from a mental illness.

And so, we learned to associate love with pain. It's all we knew.

Others among us grew up in perfectly happy homes with parents who loved each other and delighted in us, but we still managed to:

(a) Internalize negative messages we heard from our friends' parents who were unhappily married, or

(b) Internalize negative messages we saw elsewhere (I know a woman who, during her impressionable teenage years, babysat for a couple who gave each other the silent treatment and expected her to relay messages. She also babysat for another family, where the father once came home early and started reading a porn magazine!).

As a result of this programming, we set low bars for the behavior we'll accept from boyfriends or husbands. Hey, it's better than being alone, right?

Wrong.

If you're putting up with substandard behavior from men, make decision to stop. Refuse to date anybody until you attract a man who makes your happiness a priority. Trust me; such a man will come into your life and stay there.

Treat him as you have come to expect him to treat you, which means with affection, respect, and consideration. Does this sound boring to you? If it does, please examine your feelings about relationships and see if they haven't determined the kind of men you attract.

You see, once you stop dating men who disappoint you but excite you, you can make room for a guy who loves you the way you deserve to be loved--and who excites you. Love and excitement are important, but if they're accompanied by pain, something's wrong. You'll never be truly happy with a guy who lets you down.

Ask yourself, "Where did I ever get the idea that love has to hurt?"

Give yourself time to come up with the answers. Take stock of whether your relationship is worth saving. If you speak up, will it make a difference? If not, are you willing to make room for a man who will love you and make you laugh instead of cry for a change?

"Because when pain has been intertwined with love and closeness, it's very difficult to believe that love and closeness can be experienced without pain." -Gloria Steinem, "Revolution from Within."

If you tend to attract men who disappoint you (by cheating on you, not showing up when they say they will, or just refusing to get off the couch), you may be confusing love with pain.

So many of us have been brought up to believe that pain is normal, even expected, in a love relationship. Without it, the relationship seems flat, boring. We crave drama. (Why is it that so many women have great sex after a fight with a significant other?)

A happy, loving relationship eludes us because we don't recognize it when we see it, or because we simply believe it's not possible (News Flash: According to a recent Today Show, all men lie. All of them! I wasn't aware that men have a monopoly on lying or other bad behavior. I know some women who are breathtaking liars. Don't you?).

According to the media, men are incapable of remembering birthdays, being monogamous, getting through a weekend unless they're transfixed before a marathon of football games. Women internalize these messages: That's the way men are. That's the way life is. Get over it.

And while the media is happy to sell us the myth of the unattainable happy relationship, some of us have come to believe in it because of our own experiences.

Some of us:

(a) Had parents who treated each other indifferently, (b) had parents who outright hated each other, (c) had fathers who ignored us as children, (d) had a parent who suffered from alcoholism, (e) had mothers who would rather have been doing something else, or (f) had a parent who suffered from a mental illness.

And so, we learned to associate love with pain. It's all we knew.

Others among us grew up in perfectly happy homes with parents who loved each other and delighted in us, but we still managed to:

(a) Internalize negative messages we heard from our friends' parents who were unhappily married, or

(b) Internalize negative messages we saw elsewhere (I know a woman who, during her impressionable teenage years, babysat for a couple who gave each other the silent treatment and expected her to relay messages. She also babysat for another family, where the father once came home early and started reading a porn magazine!).

As a result of this programming, we set low bars for the behavior we'll accept from boyfriends or husbands. Hey, it's better than being alone, right?

Wrong.

If you're putting up with substandard behavior from men, make decision to stop. Refuse to date anybody until you attract a man who makes your happiness a priority. Trust me; such a man will come into your life and stay there.

Treat him as you have come to expect him to treat you, which means with affection, respect, and consideration. Does this sound boring to you? If it does, please examine your feelings about relationships and see if they haven't determined the kind of men you attract.

You see, once you stop dating men who disappoint you but excite you, you can make room for a guy who loves you the way you deserve to be loved--and who excites you. Love and excitement are important, but if they're accompanied by pain, something's wrong. You'll never be truly happy with a guy who lets you down.

Ask yourself, "Where did I ever get the idea that love has to hurt?"

Give yourself time to come up with the answers. Take stock of whether your relationship is worth saving. If you speak up, will it make a difference? If not, are you willing to make room for a man who will love you and make you laugh instead of cry for a change?

by: Terry Hernon MacDonald



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Free Online Dating Services Plus Options

In the beginning most were enter your profile, look around at other people’s profile, email someone and hope they email you back. Even that approach seemed to have worked for many people. In this article I will be talking about some of the features offered at free online dating services.

I will not be endorsing a single free online dating website or service. I will just be talking about some of the different features that are being offered to help you choose the best free online dating service out there. Once you know what features can be available to you, it will make choosing an free online dating service easier.

Of course the first and most obvious feature is to be allowed to create a profile. Look for services that allow you to create a profile that truly tells a lot about you. One that allows you choosing profile picture is good, but one that allows you to upload several pictures is even better.

Also, it should allow more fields to present your information. When you are filling out your profile, the form should be flexible with areas you can put anything you want to write about yourself. If the form is set in stone and only allows you to post exactly what they tell you to, then you can’t present a complete picture of yourself. Everyone is unique.

Another obvious option is the ability to browse through other people’s profiles. Does the free online dating service you are using limit you as to which profiles you can view and which ones you can’t due to some formula they figured out? If so, that free online dating service might not be for you. It’s like having a meddling relative that keeps trying to set you up on dates with people they think you should be dating.

Those free online dating services that offer levels of membership where one member can do more than others need to be talked about here as well. Keep in mind they are a business. Online dating is not a hobby with them. They have to make money to survive.

However do not be fooled by your free online dating service or the one you are considering. If it has a lower level membership and higher levels of membership, then the only real option is the higher level membership. The lower level or free membership options are only come-ons to get you to sign up for the real membership, which is the higher level. So consider joining the free online dating service at the highest level or not at all.

Does your free online dating service protect your email address? By that I mean a good online dating service filters the emails through themselves, then on to you. You don’t want everyone to have your email address until you decide to give it to him or her. Another option is to create a free web-based email address specifically for the free online dating emails. You can always stop using that account anytime you want if you start getting spam or other annoying or threatening emails.

Does the free online dating service provide a chatroom that you can invite people to? This type of option is a great way to allow you to get to know the other person. Forums and message boards just don’t do it as well.

The more features and options the free online dating service has, the better your chances of actually finding someone you want to date.

There are other things the free online dating service can provide, like the ability to send gifts, especially around holidays. What I mean by this is will they filter the gifts? You may not be ready to give someone an address to send a gift just yet. It’s not advised for you to give your real address out online anyway. If the free online dating service has the ability for someone to choose a gift and have it sent to someone who is also a member, then that free online dating service might just be a good one.

Does your free online dating service list you and compare you by geographical region? Does it offer you the opportunity to choose the regions? If it limits your regions to just those they choose for you, you may want to seek an online dating service with the option to choose. You might live in Miami, but travel to New York occasionally and wish to meet or date people from both regions.

Does the free online dating service you are considering or using use some complicated patented formula for deciding who you should or should not date? If so, do they offer this as advice or limit your option to just those they say are right for you? It’s quite alright for them to offer that as advice, but you may not want to be forced into some category where your options are limited to someone else’s idea of the perfect date for you.

Freedom is the keyword here. It’s probably the most important option you should have in mind when choosing a free online dating service. Freedom to choose people outside of your compatibility area, freedom to choose outside of the regions that would normally apply because of where you live, and the freedom to do things like join chatrooms and send gifts.

There are a lot of free online dating services out there. Take your time and choose the one that will give you the most freedom. You will enjoy your free online dating service more if you have more options to choose from. So go out there and find that free online dating service who has your dream date waiting for you!



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30 Dating Tips for Man

Over the past few years, I have learned a few things, trying meeting and dating woman. All these have come with experience.

1. Try it`s be a fun. You can not and will not win them all. Take something out of every meating or speaking you have with a woman. Learn something new.

2. Be ready to change, but only for yourself.

3. Dating is a roller coaster, ups and downs, baby. "When you are up, it is never as good as it was and when you are down it seems like you will never get up again." But you will.

4. "Good things come to those that wait". But not this time. Good things come to those that acting.

5. You can admit you are wrong, you can offer to make things right, but don't apologize.

6. Avoid to look too seriously.

7. Never ask permission to do or say something. Just kiss them, hug them, etc.

8. Agreeable is boring.

9. Jealousy is a "let's just be friends".

10. Learn to be funny. Laughing is an aphrodisiac.

11. Do not ask questions that could find out what she thinks about you.

12. Try role reversal is huge fun, and it works.Fight fire with fire.

13. Noone likes a complainers. Unless they are really funny.

14. Build a fireplace.

15. A drop of vanilla extract on your throat, one on your chest, and a little behind your ears.

16. The only time that matters with a woman is now. What she thinks about you 15 minutes ago is probably different from what she are thinking about you now and what she might think about you in 15 minutes. So don't worry about what she thinks of you.

17. You must be leader. Just take her hand and lead.

18. You touch her first But don't force it.

19. Life sometimes is not fair and dating is a part of life. Get over it.

20. Everybody is in the same league. There may be all-stars and losers, but even all-stars lose and even loser can become all-stars with practice.

21. Women love doggies.

22. Dont forget about your other interests. Do something else, then come back.

23. She must call you, do favors for you, adjust her schedule for you, etc.

24. The difference between being matchable and sending mixed signals:
Being matchable has to do with who you are. Sending mixed signals its how you feel about her.

25. If you are serious about the woman, firstly, she will turn into her mother. Secondly, she will turn into her mother.

26. A woman keep on testing you. Don't get too comfortable. Be on your toes.

27. Good dancers are good in bed, aren`t they?

28. Good kissers are good in bed, arent they?

29. Stop flirting while it's still fun. Leave and come back.

30. Women like sex as much as we do. And they like to talk about it as much as we do too, maybe even more. But not in the same words.


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Get MAX from Adult Finder!

I’ve been registered on Adult Friend Finder (Adult Finder) for long time, and in this time I have been used standard, silver, gold and VIP membership. I want to tell you about all means of membership and how to get MAX. Adult Finder has huge differences in membership. Let’s begin:

Standard membership:
Can look through the site and view those profiles that have paid for ’standard can contact’. You also can get standard member popularity privileges. If MAX Adult Finder members wanted to view your profile for 3 days period, you’ll get access to fifty member profiles and can be email to them as well. But you might see only the main profile picture and it will be a small view at that. You can’t send emails or wink if the ‘paid’ members have not chosen to pay for standard members to contact them or you have got the privileges as described above. However you can reply to emails you receive, which are saved in your mailbox for 30 days and then deleted automatically. View 1 webcam window at a time. Tech support by email within 2 days.

Silver membership:
Can do everything a standard could but has the ability to view MAX Adult Finder profiles. Minus is you view the first 5 pictures of a profile only and are not able to view them in larger size as well. You are limited to standard view. Silver membership is above standard members (in browse/search screen of Adult Finder) which means your profile will be appeal to more people when you are online. You can also add a image to your new thread in a conversation group. Emails are saved for 60 days in your mailbox. You also get better searching options: searching by profile name and for finding others (search by distance). As a paid member you get MAX of Adult Finder telephone technical support. Your profile as well as your photos are reviewed and approved faster than free members. Can use premium smilies while chating. View member videos and more than 1 webcam window at a time. Tech support by email within 24 hours.

Gold membership:
Can do everything silver members can plus have the ability to view Max Adult Finder images (but up to 20) in a other profiles and you have option to view them full size. Gold membership is above silver and standard members (in browse/search screen of Adult Finder) which means you will get the Max Adult Finder views of the this memberships. Only gold members can socialize with new members for the first 3 days of the membership. You can add a image to any reply you make in a conversation group. Emails are saved for 120 days and then deleted automatically. More options for finding others such as kids, race and others. Profile are reviewed and approved with priority over other memberships. Tech support by email within 12 hours.

VIP membership:
With VIP membership you are for sure get MAX from Adult Finder! You will have a VIP icon on all of your listings, it appears in the VIP search results box on the right side of the search results page, and you’ll show up on the “Meet our VIPs” page. More visibility as you are being added to the Cupid Report month by month (It is email news from Adult Friend Finder). Personalized customer service with an exclusive VIP tech support phone number. Free Adult Finder t-shirt but you have to call to request your t-shirt. You can send a flower in every email (emails with flowers get more replies). And you will be notified if someone reads your email.

Get MAX from Adult Finder!

Whether a Free Online Dating Sites is What You Exactly Need?

Online dating might bring you to the man or woman you have been looking for. But how could you know whether free online dating sites are what you exactly need?

For sure you have heard about free online dating sites which is suggest a lot of free online dating services. And you may be to know a friend or friends who have found their partners through one of these sites. If you are now a single or have had your heart broken recently, you might want to consider opportunities provided by free online dating services. But are you ready to face this huge new world of strangers?

If you are used to be single the whole your life and just would like to find someone interesting, it is a best time to join to one of a free online dating website. Also, if you are still torture about you last break-up or about a loss, you might progress slowly back into the dating activity by services of free dating websites.

Frankly speaking, there might be no way of suggesting if free online dating service is right for you till you have tried it by yourself. When you have a slightly guess of how these servises work, you should shake of the idea that just when you sign up, you will be forced to meet everyone you like. A free dating website could provide you with superb opportunity to meet people from the entire World. But, you should not meet them all of course. You could socialize only with those who like, choose the people you preferred, and meet only those you are desire to meet.

One of the biggest plus of free online dating websites is that you are could save you anonymity. People from the other end of the line hardly ever know you so you can be as determined and as straight as you can. You could share many things you would like, and to know others. With free online dating services, you might get the opportunity to know so many people - that is hardly ever possible in offline dating. You might discuss your problems freely to one you trust without fear of being prejudged. Actually, free online dating websites are not only great for meeting potential dates, but ideal for meeting new friends as well.

On the other hand great thing about features of a free online dating websites is that they are could be reach easily. You even just sign up and start dating right now. If you feel like to meet someone new is the right time to do this. Whoever you are, wherever you are come from, whatever age you are, you will not have problems meeting people through free online dating services.

The question is if a free online dating service is right for you and answer is if there is no risk or money involved in sign up, why not test this? Try it out by yourself to see whether it has some interesting points to offer you. Just remember that free online dating websites are social tools which you can use to meet interesting people all over the world and live a richer, more colorful life. Feel free online dating!

Your Best Friend

My collegue and friend Jimmie had been singing me about the best friend of his wife for a few weeks and how mach she'd be "good" for me. I don't like that talks so I continued to go down his offerings of her eMail address. A few days after he e-Mailed it to me and I didn't think to use it, I`ve got an eMail from her.

Her eMail appeared very attractive and good-natured. She attached an magnetic pic of herself. Later on I replied and we spent around a week Mailing to and fro, and then began almost every day. It seemed we have several things in common, including as well my new habit at the time going to the gym about 3 or 4 times a week. She said that she was health conscious, and at the time, so were I, so I thought then it might be nice to have someone hitting the gym with.

After we had been chatting for a couple weeks I mentioned (online) that I was logging off and she asked me where I was going now. I told her I should go to Book Shop to buy a book I needed for a task I was working on. She said she lived about 3 minutes from the spot and asked whether I wanted to meet for coffee. "For sure," I said, "Why not?"

I said I`d wait for her there right in front of the store, so I did. It took me just10 minutes to get there, so I expected her to wait there already, since she lives 3 minutes away. 30 minutes after I got there a 350 pound woman walked up to me sucking up a butt like it was the last bottle of water in the middle of the dessert.

"Are you, Michael?!"

"Uh...yes?" It was said like a question.

"Hello! Let's go!"

I opened the door for her but she said, "No. Let`s walk around. I don't want to put out the cigarette."

She walked around to the side and then very roughly put one leg over the thick fence round the outdoor cafe area. She staid with this since a minute or two. I was too astonished to act anything but keep an eye on her in horror.

We sat down at a table and I had nope idea what to tell her so I asked, "When was the photo you sent me taken?

"High school." She throw off already that she's 33. And then she said, "I wish a light something-or-other without any foam." She pronounced this when lighting up afresh cigarette with the one that had fired to the filter.

So I reckon I am buying? I have bought coffees and got back out.

She removed the lid off and broke down, “I told light foam!” And so she spent almost 15 minutes pulling all other guy she's dated to shreds, so I asked, "Well you're an administrative assistant?" to switch the subject. She had said me this in a chat. "You do work in town?"

"Nope, I am in between jobs."

"Did not you tell you were an administ..."

"Yep, once I find a job!"

"Oh." Intriguing. "Well why'd you quit." Cut-in benefit of the doubt here.

"I did not. They let me go." Lit up other cigarette with the butt.

"Why that?"

"They said I was nasty with clients. Which it total bullshit!"

"I could imagine. And so have you interviewed anyplace?"

"I am putting out feelers."

"Impressive!" Long uneasy silence. "So, what'd you favorite in at FSU?" She assured me she got there in a chat after I said I went there for a semester and it was my loved football team.

"I did not attend college."

"But you said you attended FSU..."

"I stated I thought of IT! That is where I'd have gone if I HAD gone."

I am done. "So, I am gonna go ahead and take off. I've got things to...you know..." Escape from you ASSAP.

"Yep, I want you to give me a ride home."

"Er...how'd you get here?" I can’t even suppose the look upon my face.

"My auto will not start."

I laughed. "How do you know, whenever you have not tried to leave yet?"

"There is something wrong with it. I tried out to start it again aft I parked."

"Riiiiight. Lets go of start up your car."

"It will not start. Believe me."

We began walking to her car and I looked about to see if she was hiding the electrical distributor cap in a fold of fat. Which reminds me. "So you said you like to work out, huh?" I’m sure it sounded as false as I meant it.

"I said I NEED to work out!" Looks at me nasty.

Agreed! "No, I am sure you mentioned you work out. You told you attend Gold's."

She stops and points at me. "I SAID I NEED TO WORK OUT AND THAT's WHERE I'D GO IF I GOT AROUND TO IT!"

I smiled actually big, trying out not to laugh at her. I was curious, by then, if I actually care about appalling Jimmie. "So...uh...how you are going to get home if you keep talking to me alike that?"

"Sorry. I am but sensitive about my weight. Numerous people hatred me because I am fat."

I am sure enough it's nothing to do with your atrocious attitude and grating personality.

Her auto in reality would not start. Nothing looked wrong under the hood, but I slammed on crap while begging just to be sure. Reluctantly, I agreed to give her a ride home, pretty sure I am OK with Jimmie hating me if I stranded her there. She broke me ways since I was driving. Then…

She grabbed her head and began groaning. I unnoticed her apparent cries for sympathy. It continued and at last she gave up attempting to get me to ask and blundered out out, "My head is killing."

And so, it ain't doing a good deal for me either, there, sista! Knowhatuhmean? And so I am trying not to look at you.

Later about five miles I realised it's NOT two minutes away. She said, "So what time are you going to take me to get my car tomorrow. I do not dress up until about 2:00."

I cracked at this. I mean I lost it. "I'm NOT driving you to get your car. I am giving you a ride home. That is it."

"Good, how am I going to take my car?"

I desired to say, this sounds alike a Y.P. (YourProblem) only I made up an excuse rather. "I am getting out of town tomorrow to see my friend Greg." I called him later on all this to ask whenever I could come up and watch football at his place, and I could unmake it a lie.

"What time are you coming back?"

"Lately."

"Good, I am up late."

"I could never go back. I am not taking you to bring your car. Catch one of your friends to drive you."

She did not have to say the next part. "I do not have any friends."

"Jimmie' wife? Jimmie?"

"Well."

"I am earnestly NOT taking you to get your auto."

After around twenty miles we got to her flat. I lied and sound out it was nice meeting her. She breathed out crisply and just looked at me. "What?!" I said.

"Aren't you getting in?"

Neurotic laughter by my side of the car. "No way!"

She looked angry and grabbed her head. "I was attending get you to rub my head."

"Is that some kinda euphemism?"

Her feet had not even touched the earth before I was back upon the highway flooring it back home. It was alike a Bugs Bunny animated cartoon, her hanging on midair and my car creating impossible accelerates while winding about some ridiculously curvy road with big plumes of smoke exaggerating out the back of truck.

The next break of day I stopped Jimmie on the path in the door and said, "how come do you hate me?"

He began laughing. He and then told me she's been messing about his wife day in and day out and will not leave them alone. They thought whenever they meet her up with somebody she'd get out of their lives. Her nickname about their house was "your best friend."

Gosh, I hate that guy!

Feel Free Online Dating with These Online Dating Tips

There are a lot of free online dating services now. And personally, I think it gives us a great opportunity to meet your Mr or Mrs right! The Internet might be the last place in the world where you can find a thousand million of eligible singles and... all in the one place! These are only several things you better to know... Let’s start here... Feel free online dating with these online dating tips!

If you are going to find your love online, it might help to have all things necessary from the very beginning.

First of all, you should set up your profile. On this stage a lot of people try and take short cuts. They misjudged this stage. Believe me...that is a big mistake. Your Profile as your online face must be shown in the best possible light. Make efforts to describe yourself from your best side. You just waste your time if you do not do this. You hardly find your love with free online dating if people can’t understand who you are. So not only should you upload a photo on your profile, there should be a “part” of “you” as well in your profile description.

If you have a hobby, mention it. If your obsession is poetry...add a fragment from one of your favorite poems.

Second, if you are looking for your love on any of free online dating site, you need to know exactly who you are looking for, and the type of character features he or she must have. So you should not get themselves involved with the first comer because there are so many perfect people waiting for you online... think out your choices very carefully!

Third, some free online dating experience might carry some risks with it. So just remember several basic rules of online dating safety. Your e-mail account should be anonymous (like Hotmail or Yahoo! or Google) do not use your work e-mail address or one that gives out any personal information. Always be weary of anyone who asks you for money before you meet offline, I can almost guarantee they are artist who disappear at the moment they receive the money.

Also try to arrange your first few meetings offline in a public place to guarantee a high level of safety and security as there should be a lot of witnesses around and your partner could not know your home address.

Feel free online dating with these online dating tips and you can always see a lot of singles online and among them you sure to meet a person of your dream.