My collegue and friend Jimmie had been singing me about the best friend of his wife for a few weeks and how mach she'd be "good" for me. I don't like that talks so I continued to go down his offerings of her eMail address. A few days after he e-Mailed it to me and I didn't think to use it, I`ve got an eMail from her.Her eMail appeared very attractive and good-natured. She attached an magnetic pic of herself. Later on I replied and we spent around a week Mailing to and fro, and then began almost every day. It seemed we have several things in common, including as well my new habit at the time going to the gym about 3 or 4 times a week. She said that she was health conscious, and at the time, so were I, so I thought then it might be nice to have someone hitting the gym with.
After we had been chatting for a couple weeks I mentioned (online) that I was logging off and she asked me where I was going now. I told her I should go to Book Shop to buy a book I needed for a task I was working on. She said she lived about 3 minutes from the spot and asked whether I wanted to meet for coffee. "For sure," I said, "Why not?"
I said I`d wait for her there right in front of the store, so I did. It took me just10 minutes to get there, so I expected her to wait there already, since she lives 3 minutes away. 30 minutes after I got there a 350 pound woman walked up to me sucking up a butt like it was the last bottle of water in the middle of the dessert.
"Are you, Michael?!"
"Uh...yes?" It was said like a question.
"Hello! Let's go!"
I opened the door for her but she said, "No. Let`s walk around. I don't want to put out the cigarette."
She walked around to the side and then very roughly put one leg over the thick fence round the outdoor cafe area. She staid with this since a minute or two. I was too astonished to act anything but keep an eye on her in horror.
We sat down at a table and I had nope idea what to tell her so I asked, "When was the photo you sent me taken?
"High school." She throw off already that she's 33. And then she said, "I wish a light something-or-other without any foam." She pronounced this when lighting up afresh cigarette with the one that had fired to the filter.
So I reckon I am buying? I have bought coffees and got back out.
She removed the lid off and broke down, “I told light foam!” And so she spent almost 15 minutes pulling all other guy she's dated to shreds, so I asked, "Well you're an administrative assistant?" to switch the subject. She had said me this in a chat. "You do work in town?"
"Nope, I am in between jobs."
"Did not you tell you were an administ..."
"Yep, once I find a job!"
"Oh." Intriguing. "Well why'd you quit." Cut-in benefit of the doubt here.
"I did not. They let me go." Lit up other cigarette with the butt.
"Why that?"
"They said I was nasty with clients. Which it total bullshit!"
"I could imagine. And so have you interviewed anyplace?"
"I am putting out feelers."
"Impressive!" Long uneasy silence. "So, what'd you favorite in at FSU?" She assured me she got there in a chat after I said I went there for a semester and it was my loved football team.
"I did not attend college."
"But you said you attended FSU..."
"I stated I thought of IT! That is where I'd have gone if I HAD gone."
I am done. "So, I am gonna go ahead and take off. I've got things to...you know..." Escape from you ASSAP.
"Yep, I want you to give me a ride home."
"Er...how'd you get here?" I can’t even suppose the look upon my face.
"My auto will not start."
I laughed. "How do you know, whenever you have not tried to leave yet?"
"There is something wrong with it. I tried out to start it again aft I parked."
"Riiiiight. Lets go of start up your car."
"It will not start. Believe me."
We began walking to her car and I looked about to see if she was hiding the electrical distributor cap in a fold of fat. Which reminds me. "So you said you like to work out, huh?" I’m sure it sounded as false as I meant it.
"I said I NEED to work out!" Looks at me nasty.
Agreed! "No, I am sure you mentioned you work out. You told you attend Gold's."
She stops and points at me. "I SAID I NEED TO WORK OUT AND THAT's WHERE I'D GO IF I GOT AROUND TO IT!"
I smiled actually big, trying out not to laugh at her. I was curious, by then, if I actually care about appalling Jimmie. "So...uh...how you are going to get home if you keep talking to me alike that?"
"Sorry. I am but sensitive about my weight. Numerous people hatred me because I am fat."
I am sure enough it's nothing to do with your atrocious attitude and grating personality.
Her auto in reality would not start. Nothing looked wrong under the hood, but I slammed on crap while begging just to be sure. Reluctantly, I agreed to give her a ride home, pretty sure I am OK with Jimmie hating me if I stranded her there. She broke me ways since I was driving. Then…
She grabbed her head and began groaning. I unnoticed her apparent cries for sympathy. It continued and at last she gave up attempting to get me to ask and blundered out out, "My head is killing."
And so, it ain't doing a good deal for me either, there, sista! Knowhatuhmean? And so I am trying not to look at you.
Later about five miles I realised it's NOT two minutes away. She said, "So what time are you going to take me to get my car tomorrow. I do not dress up until about 2:00."
I cracked at this. I mean I lost it. "I'm NOT driving you to get your car. I am giving you a ride home. That is it."
"Good, how am I going to take my car?"
I desired to say, this sounds alike a Y.P. (YourProblem) only I made up an excuse rather. "I am getting out of town tomorrow to see my friend Greg." I called him later on all this to ask whenever I could come up and watch football at his place, and I could unmake it a lie.
"What time are you coming back?"
"Lately."
"Good, I am up late."
"I could never go back. I am not taking you to bring your car. Catch one of your friends to drive you."
She did not have to say the next part. "I do not have any friends."
"Jimmie' wife? Jimmie?"
"Well."
"I am earnestly NOT taking you to get your auto."
After around twenty miles we got to her flat. I lied and sound out it was nice meeting her. She breathed out crisply and just looked at me. "What?!" I said.
"Aren't you getting in?"
Neurotic laughter by my side of the car. "No way!"
She looked angry and grabbed her head. "I was attending get you to rub my head."
"Is that some kinda euphemism?"
Her feet had not even touched the earth before I was back upon the highway flooring it back home. It was alike a Bugs Bunny animated cartoon, her hanging on midair and my car creating impossible accelerates while winding about some ridiculously curvy road with big plumes of smoke exaggerating out the back of truck.
The next break of day I stopped Jimmie on the path in the door and said, "how come do you hate me?"
He began laughing. He and then told me she's been messing about his wife day in and day out and will not leave them alone. They thought whenever they meet her up with somebody she'd get out of their lives. Her nickname about their house was "your best friend."
Gosh, I hate that guy!